Day 3

Today I find myself in a Brave New World of healthcare professionals that I'm bribing to actually give a sh#t.

What worries me is the plethora people without financial ability or emotional support to get to this point. They just continue spiraling ever downwards, ever so much more in pain in trauma.

How do I help them?

Listen, this isn't bs. This isn't clickbait. Someone very close to me begged me not to put these shower thoughts on Facebook, so Aloha Hackers!

Seriously, here's Ep. 01: A Hacker's Awakening: Ep.01 - Being Free While Feeling Caged and Yearning for a Victory

Since then, I've been hospitalized a handful of times for near-death experiences I'd had while trying to avoid sober moments. I know the practice well, leave a bunch of meds left over, point at them and go 'look! not a suicide attempt!' and am out the next day in a little hospital gown and little hospital booties to get a cab home for (that I pay for, or at least owe someone for).

Yesterday I was released from hospital. This time I'd again gone semi-lucidly to get help. For one instance, I had mentioned to the triage nurse and triage dr that I'd like a certain blood test done cuz I'm worried about symptoms in my feet. Before jumping the gun here I'd asked for random glucose - as my meds that keep me functional and able to get out of the bed in the morning also put me at some fairly extreme risk for diabetes at some point in the future (or now, who knows?). When the blood work tech came I said 'yo, glucose on there?' she says 'nah but you can ask them to add it, we have the right vial already.'

I asked the nurses.

They said they'd ask the dr.

Nurses eventually say nah, dr didn't want to add it.

Sorry?

S

O

R

R

Y

?

Why is it that nobody in public health in Canada (or at least in this province) can act with any modicum of moral or even legal obligation that is the absolute bare minimum of their job description?

Anyhow, the triage dr seemed to wonder why I was on one of my meds whatsoever and why I wasn't medicated for one or two of my diagnoses. At all. Seems to think the answer is, indeed, what I wanted and have been advocating for for myself for a long, long time.

He gave me some.

After 2-3 days, I was able to eat again. Ate two entire orders of Double Big Mac Xl fries and Xl coffee from Tim's with 3x3. That's two of each.

Slept like a baby.

Anywho, triage dr mentioned that he thought it imperative to get me a consult with psychiatry. He mentioned a new one was just hired, I'd see her tomorrow, so I consented to stay the night in that godforsaken place.

Note, this is the Aberdeen Hospital in Northern Region Nova Scotia, part of Nova Scotia Health. They dropped the 'authority' because they're not. This hospital has something sickening like 300+ lawsuits at this very minute for breaches of trust.

I'm a psychopath.

I may be a sociopath. They never wrote it down.

Go ahead. Google it. 300+.

I'm lucid.

The triage dr mentioned that I should probably be sedated for my mania. He's right. I've been saying that for years. I told him one of the last psychs I said 'give me benzos' to said she couldn't because I was 'a drug dealer' for trading some of my other pills for what I need.

He looked disgusted.

He said 'but because you don't have it, you're finding it on the streets.' I said 'yes bud. because I have to.'

Anywho, apparently the psych wasn't even in the next day. Nor could she have seen me anyways cuz I'm thru some other people. They have like, rules. Apparently the ability (nay, right) for a second opinion just doesn't exist - or at least wasn't granted to me.

I said I'm not leaving until someone gives me the sedatives I need. To keep me sane. To keep me able to work more than 8+ hours a day.

She said she'd refer me to the ADHD clinic (geographically impossible for me to see) to assess a rediagnosis, given the fact I've been using stimulants to calm down.

Buddy. Ol' boys. Girls. I certainly do not want that label, cuz all they do is medicate with little ol' legal pills made almost entirely of meth.

Like the bad meth.

Look it up. DYOR.

I said well what about sedatives for now, then. And she says she'll ask a dr - I didn't even see the dr, but she's uncomfortable giving me them. Apparently.

Did she ask the dr? Was my request written down?

What do my medical records actually say?

I'll be the first to admit I make up memories and forget stuff for my own health and wellbeing - compartmentalize like a pro. But I certainly do remember a conversation that happened 24 hours ago while I'm sober.

I was asking every healthcare professional that does actually give a sh#t I know yesterday to agree to stand trial and utter the words 'there's been a pattern of neglect and abuse in Jarett's medical history.'

I would have represented self.

I would have won.

Instead, I'm giving the system one final shot - and I'm paying tooth and nail for it.

This should not be the standard and believe me, some people everywhere in this country are overdosing, suiciding, or going on murderous rampages because of this stuff: the quality of care.

Not I.

Some.

I've gotta go assimilate with clients. I'm in a better spot. This place costs more than the top 11% of police officers or secondary school teachers make, according to financialpost.com.

This.

Should.

Not.

Be.

The.

Requirement.

Welcome to Day 3.

Update lol about 2 hours after that: So I left the house which I normally don't do. I prepared mentally for a day or so to get in a car which I don't do cuz they're literally death traps. I went into a public health office which I normally don't do to get a swab up my nose for a disease I'm ultimately not sure is a ruse or not lol. About 45 mins before that I got more than half a gram of of medicine in my hip and was warned not to operate heavy machinery for a few days. By my mental health nurse. I got into the truck and we're 30 minutes into the trip until they renig their original invite, managed to speak enough to get buddy to ask us to wait til Monday to see what happens then. If I'm less manic then.

Hilariously shatters their entire value proposition, my will to go & my buy-in.