Beyond the Blues
Understanding depression is difficult; hear from Psyche's community of peers on their experiences with this mood disorder.
Afraid of the Dark No More
I spent years being afraid of the dark. As a child I felt terrified of the dark but I never knew why. I had conjunctivitis at the age of three and woke up with my eyes glued shut with muck but I already felt afraid of the dark by then. My mother used to think it was because I watched horror movies with my dad (before I was three) but I already felt the fear before then. As I grew and learned I became more and more afraid of the dark until...
By Gabriella Grace8 years ago in Psyche
Mental Illness Part One
"Depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks.Some forms of depression are slightly different, or they may develop under unique circumstances." –National Institute of Mental Health
By Bailey Simpson8 years ago in Psyche
Fat Girl
She sits in a dimly lit room while in a death like trance. The blue light of her laptop illuminates her bored eyes. There is music playing. She listens to notes of a piano, beautiful however mellow and dark. Similar to the music a main character in a Gothic movie or book would enjoy. The only difference is that she is not in a movie. Nor is she the main character of a book. She is too distasteful and this is real life. She is overweight and her hair is not brushed or washed. The girl has not slept at night in months. She doesn’t have a special style of clothing. No, she is wearing a pink sweater and shorts. Her legs are not shaved and her nails are not trimmed. She is no good. The tapping of the keyboard in front of her is the only noise aside from the music playing on Spotify. It is an application you can download to your cellphone, tablet, or laptop that streams various music from around the world. She is writing to absolutely nobody. The only light in the room in a dim lamp aside of her. Her desk is a giant cardboard box covered with a black sheet and her chair is a metal framed bed by a window. Winter is coming so it is dark already.
By Marisa Kaitlynn Rose8 years ago in Psyche
Depression Is Not Beautiful
I do not understand why everyone is so confused about depression. Most people do not fully understand what depression actually is. People assume it’s just feeling sad. But as someone who suffers from depression, I know for a fact, it is NOT beautiful. It is not just feeling sad. It is so much more than that. Depression is waking up in the morning and not wanting to get out of bed, or even to brush your hair. Depression is almost as if you’re completely empty. You are exhausted from doing the bare minimum. Your body aches with the feeling like you do not matter amongst the people you’ve been around all your life. It’s the feeling that there is no hope for you. People can say that they understand what you’re going through, but do they really know? Just know there are millions of people out there who are suffering, just like you are. Some may have it worse than others. But it is not a competition to see who is more depressed and to see who is more poetically sad. People sit there and say that depression is something they want. But, me and millions of other people know this is not something you want. As a matter of fact, I DO NOT WANT THIS. But here I am, stuck with something that is being romanticized and is being worshipped. To the point where people ask if you’re faking it. Depression causes so much pain. Everyone has their own way of trying to fix the one thing that is there for life. Myself, I would cut myself to try and ease the pain and the numbness I would feel. I always tried to find the way to fix myself, but I realized I was hurting the people around me. I tried getting help, but I found out a really hard way that sometimes you need to find your own way out of this deep, dark pit of constant darkness. When getting help, I was technically a “lab rat.” I tried mass amounts of pills, which made me feel as if I was the zombies from horror movies that I use to fear. I have been in counseling, which didn’t help until I found a therapist who made me feel as if I actually mattered. But I was switched to a new therapist. Which brought me back on a downward spiral. I am still searching for my happiness, but I still have not found it. I know I’ll eventually get there. I still have many sleepless, year filled nights, where I’m grasping into my pillow screaming how I do not matter. Maybe I do matter, but I still haven’t realized that I should matter to myself before anyone else. I know people say that you need to love yourself, but they forgot to mention how hard it actually is to love yourself. But I am here to tell you, that YOU are not alone. There are people out there like you. Because, I, am just like you. If you feel like you want to get help, or if you feel like you need help, please do get help. Reach out, that way you are safe. Because, dear readers, YOU DO MATTER!
By Kaylee Pauley8 years ago in Psyche
My Darkness
The scratch of a single pen on paper was the only audible noise in the cold, dimly lit room, save for my slow and shallow breaths. As I completed the poem and read it through once more, I discovered how beautifully sad it was. The black ink seemed cry out in pain and despair. Though, that had not been my intention; my intention has always been to be happy. At the very moment I stared at the sorrowful words scrawled across the page, it became clear to me what was true. The suffocating and relentless sadness that silently engulfed me every day could not remain quiet any longer. I finally gave into what I had feared the most; I was depressed.
By Tiffany Wile8 years ago in Psyche
Depression Is Not A Choice
Depression is not a choice. Have you ever had someone tell you you're crazy? Or make you feel crazy for feelings that are beyond your control? Or maybe you've had someone judge you or tell you it's all in your head. You're making it up. It's a just a phase. You're not alone.
By Destyni Schmuckal8 years ago in Psyche
My Nineteen Years on Earth
Exactly six months ago I attempted, at the age of eighteen, to write my own book titled My Eighteen Years on Earth. I got half way through one chapter before I hit writer's block, and ultimately, gave up on my depressing novel. Since then I have regained the spark in which I had that first day I began my novel, and have decided to attempt my second try at a less depressing, but awfully truthful blog on how it is to live with depression starting from such a young age, and of course the usual teenage dramas.
By Denilia Blue8 years ago in Psyche
