Borderline Personality: Things That Help Me

If you have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder (BPD), or just suspect that you may have it, you know how difficult it can be to deal with from day to day, hour to hour, even minute to minute.

When I was diagnosed with this disorder just two years ago, I felt there was very little relatable, first hand experiences dealing with this topic. I googled, researched, rented books, and I was given loads and loads of articles to read while I was in the hospital. All of this information was helpful, but it was also overwhelming.

Understanding what borderline personality disorder really is is vital, and I will touch more on this later. It is important to note that I am not a licensed professional, and I am not writing this article in any official capacity. My goal is to help others understand what the symptoms of BPD look like, and things that have helped me personally deal with those symptoms.

Borderline Personality disorder is largely seen in interpersonal relationships, marked by emotional instability and extreme impulsivity. Put simply, we feel everything and we feel it 10x more then the average person. That can be an amazing thing, and it can also be a dangerous thing.

One of the core symptoms of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment, and extreme behavior to avoid real or imagined abandonment. This symptom can look different for everyone. For me, I write novels in the form of text messages and it is a struggle to put down the phone. If I feel like my boyfriend or one of my close friends is upset with me, I worry that they'll never talk to me again. That they'll leave, block, delete, or do whatever they can to cut me out of their life.

Panic sets in rather quickly, and I will call multiple times in a row and blow up their phone. This causes terrible anxiety attacks. Obviously, this behavior is overwhelming on the other side. If you've ever been bombarded with text after text, you know what a turn off it is.

When my emotions start to take over, I have to turn off the faucet so as to not drown others. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, especially when I am angry or upset with someone. But I've learned to see my emotions as boiling water. When I am having an anxiety attack, or feeling that terrifying feeling of abandonment, which happens during a fight, the 'water' is a raging boil. It is not advisable to stick your hands in boiling water, nor is it advisable to dump boiling water onto someone else.

Take some time to cool off. Turn the phone off if you can. At times, this is to difficult, so I have utilized the silent button for the person I am having difficulties with. During this 'silent' time, I will scream, punch a pillow, cry, let out everything I am feeling in some form or another. Often I will go into my notes app and write out everything I want to say to this person, but I won't actually send this to them.

It takes time for the water to cool. Sometimes it takes a few hours, or even a few days, before I feel calm enough to talk with this person in a healthy manner.

Taking this 'silent' time has been a helpful tool in other manners of life as well.

At work I have to take a few minutes to myself to deal with my extreme emotions. We have all dealt with the annoying customer or coworker that really knows how to push our buttons.

Give yourself permission to take a 5 minute break and breathe. It is O.K to feel the emotions you have and to do what you need to do in order to get those emotions under control.

One of the more difficult symptoms is dissociation, or lack of sense of self. This is different for everyone. At times I feel like I am floating, watching myself from a third person perspective. I will feel disconnected from my actions and emotions.

When I am really struggling, I will daydream, or blank out. Everyone does this to some level. If you've ever found yourself daydreaming during a very boring lecture or class, you've experienced a state of dissociation. For me, this happens while driving and I will forget where I am. Or I will completely disconnect from work and forget what I am doing. This can be extremely difficult when someone is talking to me or trying to help me complete a task.

Ground yourself. This is a difficult thing to do when you're inexperienced with grounding techniques. I had to practice this a lot at home before I could utilize this skill in other areas of life. In my own words, you need to reconnect with your surroundings and with reality.

One of my favorite grounding activities at home is to use one of my 5 senses and list off all the things I can touch, taste, see, smell, or hear. Think of the clothes on your skin, the cat sitting on your lap. Get really into it, even to the feel of your underwear on your skin.

Another activity that I enjoy is picking a color, and listing off all the things that I can think of that are that color. The blue sky, green grass, yellow flowers, purple tulips, orange butterflies, etc.

Touch something, observe the texture, the temperature. Is it movable? Can you shake it? does it make noise? etc. All these techniques can be helpful in reconnecting with your surroundings. All of these are good things to practice at home.

My most famous technique that I utilize comes from the movie What about Bob? . this technique involves take baby steps to get through each task with the goal of completing a bigger task. In this movie, Bob has a comical fear of elevators. By utilizing a new technique that his therapist has introduced to him, he is able to take one step at a time and get himself inside the elevator. This a very useful technique when feeling dissociated.

For example, when the dishes are piled up the ceiling and you are feeling overwhelmed, what is the first step to completing this task? Fill the sink with water. focus on that task. What's next? Put soap in. Next? Find a rag, and so on and so forth.

I have learned to utilize this to ground myself. I will ask and answer a series of questions when I feel very disconnected. For instance, when I feel totally overwhelmed at work, I will ask myself what is the next smallest thing I need to do. Who can I turn to for some direction? I try to focus on small things and getting those done, one little thing at a time, so the entire shift or task doesn't overwhelm me.

Suicidal threats, attempts and behaviors are common among the borderline population. This is one of the most important things to learn to deal with. It is estimated that between 8%-10% of those with Borderline personality disorder commit suicide. Please do not let this be you.

In the year leading up to my diagnosis, I had attempted suicide at least 3 times, and had been taken to the Emergency Room more times then I can count. It is a terrifying thing to deal with, and it is O.K to get help. It is O.K not to be O.K.

Utilize help lines. Have regular visits with your therapist. Talk with your doctors. Let friends and family know how your doing. Do not be afraid to go to the hospital if you feel like ending your life. There are so many people who value you, love you, and want you alive.

When this disorder really started to show itself, I had no idea how to communicate what I was feeling, and I hoped that it would go away. The lows that I experienced had been normal for me ever since I was a kid, and I didn't realize how low I was getting, and for how long I was experiencing those lows.

For me, a good day mean't getting through the day without crying, breaking down, or self harming in some way. Going to bed caused me terrible anxiety because of what a struggle it was to control my negative thoughts. It took a involuntary 72 hour hold for me to realize that I was a horrible danger to myself. But I learned how to show the true state of my mental health.

Being hospitalized gave me a chance to learn about myself. For once, someone was taking care of me. Slowly, things got better. I was given a proper diagnosis, and this was the tool I needed to finally understand my own head and get some control back in my life.

That being said, utilize the resources you have been given. Watch mental health videos online and read articles. You need to understand all the ins and outs. The better you understand what your feeling and why your feeling it, the better you'll be able to deal with those feelings and learn new coping skills.