At Some Point, You Have To Own Your Shit

One common thing in life we share as human beings is the ability to be hurt. I don’t mean falling down and scraping our knees. I’m talking about being really, really hurt. Stuff that affects us negatively as adults.

Especially so emotionally and psychologically. There are things that we’ve seen and events that have happened to us that can alter our lives substantially for the rest of our years. For some, they never quite recover fully from them.

Abuse is a difficult subject to talk about. Some have had the most horrific things one could imagine happen to them. Most of us have had other more minor things occur that still changed us as human beings forever. Mostly in a negative way.

Time helps heal old wounds and counseling gives us hope and strategies we can use for a better, happier life. But many people don’t utilize the resources offered to them. Far too many of us prefer to live in the past and seek sympathy from others when we are in a constant state of sadness.

It’s your right to live that type of lifestyle. You can convince yourself that this is as good as life gets. You can settle in for the long ride of disappointment and regret if you choose to. You can allow the abusers from your past to win. Or you can own where you are right now, on this date, and decide you want to fight.

I’ve seen it up close and personally. There are so many types of people who have endured similar, shitty upbringings by parents who were less than ideal role models. Some had physical abuse leveled at them. Others were neglected and ignored for the most part. Many were called names, made fun of, bullied, and told constantly that they’d never amount to anything.

This is all bullshit. The people that do these types of things toward a child or younger person are severely damaged themselves. Instead of rising above their own past trauma and abuse, they choose to mimic the one thing they knew: An abusive relationship. It’s an option that one does NOT have to choose to accept.

Often, we see two different people who have gone through similar abuses and horrible upbringings. One ends up overcoming adversity and is thriving while the other can’t seem to catch a break in life. It’s frustrating to know that given similar circumstances, they both haven’t overcome their past.

It’s usually difficult to figure out why they both have ended up on such different paths. What is it inside of a person that allows them to rise above and overcome the poor circumstances they grew up with? What did the thriving person do differently than the one who is struggling mightily?

We all have different types of personalities. We’ve also had very unique sets of conditions and environments we grew up in. It’s not possible for everyone to have the same happy, healthy, supportive home lives that some of us are fortunate enough to get.

Some folks have the cards stacked against them as they venture out into life as adults. Depression and anxiety often rear their ugly heads due to the trauma one has endured from their past. Being raised in a religiously fanatical home where the threats of Hell, physical punishment, and psychological abuse are common can lead a teenager to have a difficult transition into adulthood.

Likewise being raised in a home with an addict. Whether it’s alcoholism or harder drugs, many kids don’t stand a chance of having a solid, well-adjusted set of formative years necessary to help them become happy, content adults. The difficulty of familial relationships in an abusive home certain affects many people’s ability to have normal, healthy relationships later in life.

We look at our abusive, shitty childhood and feel sorry for ourselves. As well we should. It’s ok to feel sadness. It’s perfectly normal to wish we’d had a better set of parents, relatives, and less bullshit to have to endure at such a young age. What we can’t allow to happen is for it to affect us in the present and future.

It’s not the easiest thing to overcome a rough start in life. Yet, it can be done. It takes self-awareness and work that one has to be willing to do on themselves. There are so many success stories out there of kids who truly had it bad.

I’m talking about major, severe abuse and trauma. Some of these kids grew up to be focused, driven, successful adults. How did they do this when so many others just kept suffering? What’s the main reason behind this?

At some point, we have to own our shit. Even if life wasn’t fair to us, if the people who were supposed to care, didn’t, or if we felt immense sadness and despair, we choose to rise above the mess. It can be done, even if it’s a more difficult road to go down due to the events of our past.

I am a very big fan of counseling and therapy when it’s needed. Anyone who is suffering from depression, anxiety, or even just occasional bad feeling or down times could benefit from counseling.

But you have to want to feel better, first. Nobody is going to force you to go. As encouraging as the good people in your life might be, you have to love yourself enough to want to heal and grow. Complaining about never catching a break in life doesn’t help remedy a sad life.

Counseling can be scary. Revisiting those old memories of conflict, anger, sadness, and abuse likely scare many people badly enough to not give therapy a try. But I highly encourage anyone who is struggling with life here in the present and worried about their future to start attending counseling. There are great therapists out there who could help you change your life.

Using your past as a crutch and allowing it to negatively affect your present isn’t owning your shit. Owning your shit entails you recognizing that life isn’t what you want it to be. It’s the realization that you want more for yourself. You want to grow, feel better, and achieve things that your mind is telling you that you don’t deserve.

Fear is a liar. Self-doubt is bullshit. Guilt is useless. Knowing that you are strong enough to overcome the things that have contributed to your current unhealthy ways of thinking and your less-than-ideal lifestyle is so important. Believing in yourself will help motivate you to achieve the things you want to do.

I truly believe that most people who are suffering and barely getting by in life want to do better. They would welcome change if they had a game plan to make it happen. I doubt that very many people want everyone to feel sorry for them and pity them constantly.

If you don’t want people pitying you, then role model that behavior for them. If you’re tired of being a prisoner of your past, look at the present. Decide what healthy changes you are able to make on your own. Then look into some counseling and gain the tools needed to excel.

I believe in you. I know that you can make this happen if you want it and are motivated to live your best life. As someone who has had physical, psychological, and emotional abuse leveled at him over a number of years and decades, I can tell you this: It gets better. But you have to want it.

Not only do you have to want change, but you have to take steps to make it happen. Own your shit. It’s not your fault that you were abused or taken advantage of. But it is your fault if you allow that past to negatively affect your present and future.

If you want better for your present and future, focus on the now. Do the harder things that will help you heal and thrive. Life is so much better when you’re moving forward, one step at a time. You’ve got this. &:^)