Arrested for ADHD

Yes, you read that title right. I was, in fact, arrested for having ADHD. I truly wish I was being hyperbolic and that it was a disorder “made up” to medicate people like many love to purport. As someone who mastered the art of masking to the point that I was missed with a proper diagnosis until about a month ago, deep in my 30s, I can assure you that it is a very real condition that can have a devastating effect on one’s life when it is not treated. Now that I have some answers and am beginning to process my diagnosis, I’m left to wade through the moments in my life that were blatantly overlooked as symptoms of a literal disability I’ve been unknowingly carrying around my entire life.

As the issue of mental health became a prominent talking point during the pandemic, it begged the question of how much society ignored these particular struggles when everything was “normal”. It was an odd experience to be among those that found immediate relief when the world slowed down and human contact was at a minimum. I found myself reassessing my priorities and suddenly thriving while the masses brayed against how harmful being at home was for their mental health. Not to say that many of these concerns were not valid, but the reality is that the things many people were suddenly experiencing were things that I had struggled with my whole life trying to fit into the society that I was never meant for from a very early age. This set me on the path of seeking some answers. I’m not sure I was fully prepared for that answer to be that I am and have always been a neurodivergent individual, but here we are.

While this answer caused many things to make a great deal of sense looking back at my past, the one incident that stood out the most was the one and only time I found myself in the back of a squad car. I joked for years that it was embarrassing, not because I was arrested but because it wasn’t even that interesting of a crime… or even the least bit intentional. You see, my great offense was forgetting to renew my driver’s license. My title was clean, tags were all up to date, everything completely in order except for that one bill that I simply forgot to pay amid what was one of the most tumultuous times of my life.

At the time it was easy to explain the mishap away as me being scattered due to the fact that I was literally running from an abusive ex, which is why I didn’t have a forwarding address to receive the courtesy reminder they send out before it is due. However, when you have a diagnosis like ADHD and combine it with all the years of distracted mishaps and careless mistakes, all the labels of “gifted but lazy”, and all the lectures from people you have disappointed by not trying harder when you knew deep down you were giving your all… you just have this moment of epiphany that hits you like a freight train. This is when you begin to grieve for the child with so much potential that withered away somewhere along the way under the weight of all the expectations and criticisms. You rage for the times you berated yourself, feeling unworthy to ask for help in your struggles because society told you over and over that the problem was you. You ruminate all the times you were completely unseen, and you were gaslighted into believing that stretching yourself too thin was the only reasonable solution.

I write this today not to seek sympathy or cast guilt onto anyone, but to plant a seed of awareness as to how much neurodivergence can impact a person's life. The next time you’re tempted to utter the phrase “oh we all have a little ADHD”, please don’t. While, yes, everyone can be forgetful sometimes or have days where they feel as if they are losing it… you cannot truly understand the havoc this disorder can create in a person's life when this is the battle they fight all day every day. It is so much more than being “scatterbrained” or “underachieving”. Please, instead of dismissing our struggles and piling on yet another bootstrap lecture… find a little grace and just see us as enough.