Are you afraid of rejection and denial by others, or are you refusing and denying yourself?

Obviously I work very hard and do my best, why am I still afraid of rejection and denial from the outside world? We hope to gain the affirmation of others to enhance self-confidence and prove self-worth. There is always a voice of fear of rejection and denial in our hearts, which makes us miss the opportunity to show ourselves and let others know ourselves. Psychologically, I want others to know me, but I am afraid that others will deny me after knowing me.

When you're stuck with this question, ask yourself - you're so afraid of rejection, of being denied, but do you accept yourself?

There are two problems, one is external pressure and the other is inner fear. They go hand in hand to regenerate faith and destroy it.

We all look at others and the world from our own experience and perspective, so it is difficult to fully understand what others say and do. Therefore, the judgment of other people's events only represents the perspective of self. In other words, when you do something, others deny you. Maybe the problem is not with you, but with the person who denied you. Or, it's a problem with both, not just you. Don't be in a hurry to take responsibility for yourself.

There is such a person who likes to stare at the shortcomings of others, has extremely high standards for people, things, and things, and rarely praises others or anything. They are always quick to spot flaws in a person and point them out. If you meet such a person, he will first see your inadequacies, then deny you and reject you. It's not because you're bad, it's because they're used to denying most people. Maybe a harsh teacher, maybe for their psychological compensation.

Why are compliments and praise hard to come out of their mouths?

They have their own standards and their experiences make up their hobbies. In their situation, they like it or it is convenient, just accept it. If they don't like or are inconvenient, they reject it. Don't get too hung up on his reasons, you just need to know that you don't need everyone's praise, some people are not good at praising and complimenting others by nature. It has nothing to do with whether you are good or not, and it has nothing to do with whether you like you or not, just because you are not in his situation. Since rejection cannot be understood in their context, why take it to heart?

Rejection and denial by others may be for things rather than people.

No one is perfect, and few things are perfect. What you do cannot be completely beneficial to others, because the parties are different, and the interests are related. That thing makes him have to reject you. Don't raise his rejection on this matter to your personality. Level: He treats me like this because I am a bad person. In fact, you don't need to generalize to a high degree of people's good or bad. The fact that he rejects and denies you does not affect whether he likes you or not. It's so hard that if you like you, you have to affirm everything about you and accept everything about you. It's too hegemonic.

Some people say that I just can't face the denial and rejection of others, and there is a voice in my heart that tells me: "You are just not good." If you think so, you must have experienced the following subtle psychological changes

1. You give up your own evaluation criteria and agree with their evaluation.

By their standards, you are bad. Because their identity or status makes you agree with their standards, and you feel that you deny your self-evaluation standards, you can get their affirmation. So I kept switching standards to cater to others, and I got used to self-denial.

2. Get used to self-denial and dare not say no.

People who are afraid to say "no" often have a childhood that is not recognized and encouraged. There must be too many "don't allow you" in past experiences and interpersonal relationships. In the atmosphere of "Don't allow you", people's thinking and thoughts are restricted, and it is difficult to exert their autonomy and creativity. What people do is controlled by a force, and people always hear and suffer from "You can't... "You don't..." "If you don't...you will...", the mind contains the content related to "no", in order to meet the requirements of "no" and avoid the punishment of violating "no", a person's personality He will gradually become highly sensitive to "no", he has to obey the authority, and hate and hostile to the authority's "don't allow you". Under the influence of this cultural taboo for a long time, the original trauma of fear of rejection has been left.

They are extremely sensitive to denial and rejection. Once they may receive a rejection signal from the outside world, they will naturally trigger the protection mechanism he worked so hard to establish: I was denied and rejected because I was not good. This is the psychology of the social good guy.

3. Contradiction, please others, avoid yourself

Live in the evaluations and impressions of others. Want to escape, but always self-imprisonment. For example, trying to do one thing successfully and being praised by others, happy for a long time, and feel that life is very valuable; when others say their shortcomings, they will feel very unhappy, and they want to change their shortcomings to be more complete; suffer from others It's easy to doubt your own abilities. And people's happiness should come from doing what they like, not for others.

The more a person expects the praise of others, the more he fears the denial of others.

For example, in the face of love, many people fall in love with a person, but they are afraid that they will lose their self-esteem because of their unsuccessful confession. Face, self-esteem makes people hold back. You cannot accept rejection or denial from others, you must accept your own failure.

People often deny themselves before they are afraid of being denied by others; they "abandon themselves" first before they are afraid of being rejected.

Because there must be a voice deep in your heart, saying repeatedly: I am not worthy of recognition, I am not worthy of acceptance. That's why I'm so afraid that these fears will really happen, and I'm so responsive to reality.

You have to learn to affirm yourself, do what you think is right, and let go of some of the social principles that haunt you in order to live out yourself. Living out yourself and living free always comes at a price.

All you have to do now is say no to that voice, compromise won't change the status quo, back and forth. Build self-confidence and start with small things like getting up, reading, and running. A different self comes from your persistence!