Almost Gone

The sky was dark. The breeze cold. Heavy white snow danced in the air before falling to the ground and blanketing the earth in fluffy white clouds. Nora sat on her balcony next to a heated lamp as she placed some cannabis flower into a red metal grinder. She was determined to catch the sunrise that day, blunt in hand. After a long sleepless night, or month really, Nora had decided that today would be her last. The pain inside her had finally won.

The last two month had been the worst she had ever had to suffer. It began when her fiancé left her for her best friend. Her mother died from COVID two weeks after that. The very next day she lost her job, which included losing her health insurance and company car. She was down to the last few hundred dollars in her bank account with bills due in the next few days she knew she couldn’t pay. She felt isolated and hopeless and she could no longer cope with it.

She lit her blunt as the sun took its first peak over the horizon. In what seemed like an instant, the sky went from pitch black to a soft mesmerizing mixture of glowing red, orange and yellow. She took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. What a beautiful sight, she thought. With each exhale she sank a little deeper into her seat, slowing rocking herself with her left foot while her right knee was tucked tightly into her chest. She had her favorite purple blanket draped over her, the one her mom had gifted her for her birthday. I am going to see you soon mom, she said as she snuggled the blanket into her chest. Heavy teardrops started falling from her eyes. She put her blunt down as her stomach tightened into her chest and she began to sob deeply.

She looked up again as the sun had now fully jumped its way into the sky, turning its shades of red and yellow into hues of blue and purple. She wiped the tears from her eyes and relit her blunt, smoking it and rocking silently in her chair until it was gone. She inhaled deeply one last time before pushing herself up and out of the chair.

As she walked back into her studio apartment, she quietly hurried past the woman sleeping on her futon. She had met her the night before at the bar down the street and stupidly invited her back to her place. She was drunk and lonely, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was a fun night actually. She was a good lover, Nora thought, as her mind flashed back to their entanglement the night before. The way she kissed her neck while she ran her hands down her body, scratching it slightly with her nails before pressing her soft fingers inside her – Nora’s body tingled at the memory. If today wasn’t her last day, she might actually she her again, she thought with a slight smile. It wasn’t her first time being with another woman, but it was definitely her best time.

After reaching the bathroom, Nora quietly shut the door and turned on the shower. The very last one I’ll will ever take, she thought. As the steam started to collect around the ceiling, Nora stared at her reflection in the mirror. You’re so ugly, she told herself as she glared at the dark circles under her eyes that framed her over-sized nose and sunken cheek bones. She hadn’t eaten a real meal in weeks, and it showed. She pulled at her thin, short red hair. She had cut it herself only a few days earlier. At the time she thought it would make her feel better. And for a moment, it did. But now, she loathed it. She thought about shaving it all off, even got close to doing it a few times.

Unable to stand her reflection any longer, she turned away from the mirror and stepped into the shower. The hot water burned her skin. Instead of turning the temperature down though, she took in the pain, feeling the sting of every drop as it showered down onto her body. Heavy sobs once again consumed her.

Meanwhile….

At the sound of the door closing, Ashlee’s eyes shot open. Where am I? She wondered as she stretched her arms and rubbed her eyes. And why do I feel like actual hell? She thought, sitting up onto the futon she had been fast asleep on; her head pounding. She raised her eyebrows and blinked her eyes a few times in an attempt to straighten her vision and stop the room from spinning around her. Gaining some clarity, she reached for her phone sitting on the table in front of her. It was dead. Ashlee rolled her eyes and tossed it back down onto the table.

Next to where it landed, she noticed a stack of photos. In an attempt to gain clues as to where she was, she picked up the top photo to examine it closer. To her surprise, it was a photo of a girl with long red hair wearing a tight fitted silver dress. Ashlee recognized her from the night before. Nora, she remembered as she ran her finger over the picture. Holding Nora’s hand in the photo was the body of a man in a dark blue suit with a missing head, as if it had been hole-punched out. Ashlee snickered to herself a little at the sight of it as she grabbed another photo from the table. Picture after picture Ashlee found a stunning red head standing next to a headless man. The fiancé, she recalled as her memories from the night before started to come back to her. “What an ass”, she said out loud, throwing the photos back onto the table where she found them.

Ashlee could hear the shower in the bathroom turn on. She turned her attention to a photo of Nora and an older looking woman also with red hair in a frame next to the TV. Written on the bottom of the frame it read “World’s Best Mom”. Ashlee remembered Nora telling her how she had recently died after contracting COVID. When it rains, it pours, she thought to herself, sinking back into the futon.

She tried to shuffle the pillow behind her to get more comfortable, but something kept poking her in the back. She grabbed the pillow for further inspection. It was a unique pillow with soft white lace. Someone had obviously crocheted it by hand and the detail in it was incredible. As she turned it in her hand, she could feel something hard inside of it. Locating the zipper around the edge, she opened the pillow and reached her hand inside.

She felt the cold smooth touch of leather on her fingers as she pulled out a small black notebook. Should I be doing this? She wondered to herself as she pulled off the elastic strap and opened it. Too late now, she shrugged, turning to the first page. To her surprise she found:

In case of loss, return to: Nora Rose, 3570 West Chester Street, Longmont, CO. As a reward: Love, Light & Laughter.

Strange, Ashlee thought as she turned the page. “My Dearest Nora,” she read.

Back in the bathroom…

Without washing her hair or body, Nora turned off the shower. Her usually pale skin was bright red from the heat of the water. She wrapped her robe around her and once again starred at herself in the mirror. With deep loathing and disappointment inside her, the woman on her futon suddenly popped back into her head. Nora squinted her eyes in embarrassment. She wasn’t even sure what the woman’s name was. Annie, maybe? Or Ashlee? It starts with an A, right? She questioned herself.

Her mind flashed to a memory of the woman sitting with her at the bar. She had beautiful honey colored skin with light auburn hair that curled and danced around her head, perfectly framing her soft oval face and large hazel-colored eyes. Ashlee, Nora thought. Her name is definitely, Ashlee. Nora took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door.

At the sound of the doorknob moving, Ashlee looked up. As the door flung open, standing in the doorway was a seemingly broken yet stunningly beautiful red head in a black fluffy robe. Ashlee could tell she had been crying and as a strong empath she could feel her sadness as it drained from her body.

“Hey” Ashlee said with a smile. “How was your shower?” she asked, gesturing for Nora to come sit with her.

“Hi” Nora replied. “I guess it was, ok” she admitted as she walked to the futon and sat down.

Ashlee leaned in and kissed her softly, sending a warm rush of adrenaline though Nora’s body. Nora closed her eyes and drank in the moment. When she looked up, she noticed the black notebook in Ashlee’s hand.

“Do you journal?”

“Me? No. Well, sometimes, but this isn’t mine. I mean, do you not know what this is?” Ashlee responded with a curious look on her face as she handed Nora the notebook.

Nora looked over the book inquisitively. She was pretty certain she had never seen it before. She looked up at Ashlee as she removed the elastic strap and opened it to the first page.

In case of loss, return to: Nora Rose, 3570 West Chester Street, Longmont, CO. As a reward: Love, Light & Laughter.

“What is this?” Nora asked confused. “Where did you find it?

Ashlee handed her the silk crocheted pillow. “It was in this zipper. I didn’t mean to pry or overstep your boundaries; I was just trying to get comfortable and it kept jabbing me in the back. I hope I didn’t upset you. Have I?” Ashlee looked up, her big hazel eyes sparkling in the light of the room as they met Nora’s.

“I’m not mad, just surprised” Nora responded. “This was my mom’s pillow. I saved it when we had to clean out all of her stuff. I had no idea this was in there.”

“Well, you need to keep reading” Ashlee said with slight excitement to her voice.

Nora opened the book. As she flipped through it, she noticed page after page of journal entries. All written by her mom, to her. The first one starting on the day she was born. Nora quickly turned to the back of the book, curious to see the last entry. Tears started flowing from her eyes when she realized it was written on the same day she had passed.

Ashlee wrapped her arms around her, trying to bring her some comfort. From her angle Ashlee could see a pocket in the back of the notebook with something folded inside it. “Look at that” she said as she pointed to it. Nora wiped the tears from her eyes and pulled the pocket open. Inside was a deposit slip for a bank account in Nora’s name. Deposited into the account the day before her mom died, was $20,000.

“Wow!” Ashlee exclaimed. “And you didn’t know that was in there?” Nora shook her head, unable to speak. Ashlee ran her fingers down Nora’s back, before kissing her softly on the neck. “As a reward: Love, Light & Laughter”, she whispered softly into Nora’s ear. A rush of warmth ran through her body. Nora turned around and kissed her. Hope is a wonderful feeling, she thought as they held each other.

Nora and Ashlee spent the rest of the day together reading the notebook. When Nora finally closed her eyes to go to sleep that night. Ashlee kissed her softly on the head. “You survived another day baby girl” she whispered. “Tomorrow I’ll help you survive another.”