A Day in the Life of Deirdre

The piece previous to this one was written by Courtney Capone. It is titled "One Sheep, Two Sheep, Can't Sleep, Hate Sleep".

"While this piece contains fictional content the subject matter is very real. People who suffer with mental health issues face not only the struggle of their affliction but the stigma attached to seeking help. It is the goal of this collaboration to destigmatize discussing mental health and instead normalize conversation about it. It IS okay not to be okay."

"Hey!" Nikhel yelled out.

"What the fu … '' Deidre gasped. When she saw who yelled she slapped him on the shoulder. "What have I told you about scaring me in the morning?"

"Not to." Nikhel laughed as he walked in front of Deidre.

"I can't deal with you right now, Nik. I need to get to work." Deidre said as she lowered her head and hurried down the sidewalk.

"You are stuck with me today. You know I get claustrophobic in that small room," Nik said as he pranced around Deidre, "Plus we have that appointment."

"I can't do this today, Nick!" Deirdre yelled the last 2 words. Several passersbys were startled by the outburst.

"Give me the day. You can go to work tomorrow," Nik said with a serious look on his face.

"I can't do that today. I have bills to pay, and I need food." Deidre explained.

"Can I at least hang out with you?" Nik asked.

"No," screamed again, "I have to go to work."

Looking defeated, Nik stopped walking, Dee almost walked into him, but sidestepped at the last moment. Without a word, Dee kept going, leaving Nik by himself. She took a right, at the intersection, onto the street of her work. She walked towards the theater, ignoring Nik the entire time. Nik eventually caught up and continued to ask a barrage of questions. What she was doing at work, who she was pretending to be today and a plethora of acting questions. He even started to prance around her. Dee's head had started to throb as she passed through the doors.

A few hours passed and they took a break from practicing Dee's lines. Nik was quick to follow her. She tried to ignore him, but it was like they were conjoined twins. Even when he was quiet his presence was there, lurking in the corner.

"Will you stop pushing my buttons?" Dee yelled at Nik as she turned towards the concrete wall. She noticed a few familiar faces as she turned again.

"What are you … Are you Okay?" one of the women asked.

"Just doing dialog." Dee waved it off. Her friend waited, concerned, until Dee waved again. Then Dee turned towards Nik and whispered "You said you were going to behave!"

"I am. I haven't had a single episode since the last time!" Nik whined, "I have always been good."

Dee gazed down at her left hand. The missing finger always reminded her of the worst day of her, and Nik's, lives.

"You'd better be good. Please be good." Dee pleaded.

"I promise." Nik replied.

Both headed back towards the building the others had entered. The door soon slammed behind them. Everyone inside acknowledged the new arrival and quickly resumed what they were doing. Dee quickly made her way to the group. She took a deep breath from the lavender scented bracelet on her wrist as she walked. The scent was always able to bring her into the moment and make everything, Nik included, disappear into the background.

As the time to go to the doctor's appointment neared Nik became more erratic. He was screaming at nothing while Dee was finishing up her rehearsal. She was constantly breathing in the scented bracelet, but it seemed to have stopped working. She couldn't concentrate and finally had enough.

"Shut up!" Dee yelled as she threw her script to the floor and headed towards the door, "I'll see everyone tomorrow! I have a doctor's appointment."

As soon as Dee and Nik got out he was back in her face. The questions were flying, again. Questions that Nik was present for and questions that Dee could not answer. "How does the moon control the tides?"

"Will you, please, shut up Nik?" Dee barked again before she took off down the sidewalk.

Nik seemed to be left behind until Dee rounded the last corner towards the doctor's office. "Can you please not do that?" Dee screamed!

"Don't try and leave me, then!" Nick said.

"Just shut up and get inside." Dee replied.

Dee opened the door to a gleaming building and Nick walked in before her. The ride up the elevator was quiet. Nik was busy rereading the signs on the elevator and Dee was trying to move her phantom finger. She was always trying to move it on this elevator, or touching the stub. The doors opened, with a ding, and the pair disembarked. Dee wanted to yell at Nick again, but just walked down the hallway ignoring Nik. He didn't notice he was being ignored and he never did. Once inside the doctor's waiting room Dee sat and closed her eyes. She kept them closed until Doctor Sawyer opened her door.

"Good afternoon, Deirdre. How are you today?" The soothing voice of the doctor wafted through the air

"I've been better." Dee stated as her eyes slowly opened and she stood.

The small talk was excruciating, like always, but Dr. Sawyer said it was necessary to establish which person she was talking to. Dee didn't care. It was stupid to talk about how her day was if she couldn't discuss what was actually getting to her. That answer was usually Nik, but she needed to discuss something important.

"Can we just skip this part?" Dee asked, "I have actual things to talk about today."

"I'm sorry Deidre," the doctor said, "You know we have this procedure for a reason. Now, what percentage of time does Nick occupy?"

"As little as possible."

"And why is that?" Dr. Sawyer asked as she wrote the answer down.

"Because he is a drug addict and I'm tired of having that poison in my body." Dee answered with snark.

"Alright, who is Nik closest to?" the doctor asked while still writing.

"Marcus, his drug dealer."

"No sarcastic 'me' today?" The doctor asked with a smirk.

"Nik is distant from my parents, he is closest to his drug dealer, Marcus, and he only helps himself." Dee answered the questions she knew were coming. "Can we get to new business?"

"Of course, but I'd like to speak to Nik first." Dr. Sawyer replied as she continued her writing.

"Sorry, but Nik is busy at the moment." Dee answered.

"No I am not." Nik broke his silence.

Nik, unbeknownst to the doctor, stood up and declared he had to remind Deidre several times about this appointment. Nik yelled and screamed 'What about me?' In a purely unseen dance in between Dee and the doctor. Deirdre slowly closed her eyes, pressed her fingers to her eyelids and winced as a shot of lightning ran through her brain. Migraine. Not only did she get the shock, the light started to hurt through her hands. The beat of her heart changed. She saw another flash and she was no longer sitting in the right chair. It took Dee a few more flashes before she realized she had lost control.

"I don't know why she insists on running me ragged and then shoving me into that box." Nik complained as he adjusted his body with the groan.

"Nikhel?" the doctor asked as she sat up in her chair.

"She doesn't lie when she says she gives me as little time as possible." Nik replied

"How have you been, Nikhel?" the doctor asked.

"Stuck in a cage, like a dog. Did you not hear me?" Nik responded with snark, "She keeps me locked away for her "safety"." Nik used air quotes.

"How do you cope with such little time?" The doctor asked.

"Making the most of the time I am allowed."

"And what does that mean?" the doctor seemed intrigued.

"Give me back control, Nik!" Dee screamed.

"It means I'm going to have some fun. You know, go and see Marcus, smoke a little weed, drink and have a good time." Nik said while ignoring Dee.

"So you're still doing drugs?" Dr. Sawyer asked as she started writing again.

"Give me back control, Nik!" Dee pleaded.

"I only smoke weed, nothing harder," Nik corrected the doctor, while holding up his hand with the missing finger, "I haven't done anything harder since the accident."

"At least tell her about the loss of time," Dee started begging, "Nik, please, I needed to tell her about losing time.

Nik eyeballed Dee before clearing his throat, "Apparently we've been losing time. Dee wants you to write that down."