A confession and a plea for change.

I am confident, not controlling. Just persuasive, not manipulative, independent, and not emotionally unavailable as people always describe. I believe I am always right I dismiss every accusation, turn the blame around, and convince myself that everyone else is the problem. But the truth has been gnawing at me, slowly eroding the carefully crafted image I built for myself. I have finally been forced to see what I have spent years avoiding - I AM NARCISSIST.

Narcissism is not just about vanity or self-importance. It’s deeper, more insidious. It is the inability to accept fault, the constant hunger for validation, the need to be right—always.

REALIZING THE TRUTH

I have manipulated, gaslighted, and controlled situations to suit my narrative. I have hurt people I love, and I have justified it every time. I have always thought I am charismatic, confident, and even charming but I am starting to realize that my confidence is fragile, my charm is a mask, and my self-worth depends on how others see me. I have built walls so high that even I struggle to climb them.

THE BREAKING POINT

There has not been a single moment that has made me realize this rather it is a series of events. My relationships and friendships have failed, I have seen people walking away from me in tears, and others angry and exhausted but I have been brushing it off saying that they are too sensitive. However, someone I deeply care about recently said to me, "I DON'T THINK YOU're CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE"

These words cut through me. Not because I disagreed but because deep down I fear they are right. I started thinking and reflecting on my life. I have been doing my research online and the much that is written about narcissists is nothing but kind. Reading the articles has been like a punch to the throat, I have been wondering is this how people see me.

I have been wishing to argue and to find loopholes, to prove that I am not like those narcissists but deep down I know, the accusations, the descriptions, and the way people describe me all line up.

I lack empathy.

I crave validation.

I manipulate people.

I destroy relationships.

WHY I AM SEEKING HELP

I have spent years avoiding accountability, but I no longer want to live in denial. I don’t want to be the person who only takes and never gives, who seeks admiration but cannot reciprocate genuine love. I do not want to hurt those people that I love, I no longer want to always feel the need to be the victim. I want to be able to look in the mirror and be the real person that I am. I know change will not be easy. Narcissism is deeply ingrained in my thinking, my reactions, my very identity. But I refuse to believe that I am beyond redemption.

MY FEAR OF CHANGE

Admitting i have narcissistic traits is one thing, changing is another. Changing is actually terrifying as it means giving up control, admitting that I’m flawed, and facing the things I’ve buried deep inside me. It means learning to feel real empathy instead of faking it. I do not know what it feels like to apologize without making about me, I do not know how to love without control

But I want to try. Not just to keep people in my life, but to be someone worth keeping.

THE JOURNEY AHEAD

I’ve started researching therapy, even though part of me resists the idea. I know narcissists aren’t easy to treat. I know this won’t be a quick fix. But I also know that if I don’t try, I’ll keep repeating the same cycle, hurting the people I claim to care about.

So, this is me—a narcissist, acknowledging the truth, and asking for help.

I don’t know where this road leads. But for the first time in my life, I am willing to walk it.

THE WAKE-UP CALL

To anyone reading this and my words feel uncomfortably familiar, if you see yourself in this story, if you’ve been called manipulative, selfish, or emotionally distant, don’t ignore it.

This is the time

We are not doomed to stay this way. We can change. But it starts with admitting the truth. It starts with breaking the denial. It starts with seeking help—therapy, self-awareness, accountability.

It starts now.

I refuse to be the person I’ve been. Do you?

If you’re ready to change, take the first step with me. Seek therapy. Read. Learn. Apologize. Be better. It won’t be easy, but staying the same is worse.

The question is—will you do the hard work, or will you keep losing the people who matter?

The choice is yours.

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