7 Ways To Know You Are Born Into A Toxic Family

All of my life all I wanted is to be free from my toxic family. Though they wouldn't call it being toxic.

I remember a time when I called my Mom evil. She posts on Facebook, "My daughter called me Evil."

I can't even remember the scenario, as to why I called her evil. My family dynamics for me personally has always been dysfunctional. So I will be breaking down the 30 red flags that made me want to walk away from all of them.

1: Discouragement: I was discouraged from having a job. I was told all of my life, "Emily why would you want a job when you receive social security income." When I finally had a job when I graduated from high school the old man made a bet with me that I wouldn't last 90 days at Walmart. I only made it 60 days. I walked over to him and paid him stuffing twenty bucks in his face while he laughed at me. I walked away in tears. (disclaimer: it was probably the hardest thing I ever went through)

2: Being given up at the age of nine: To this day Mom still says he took me away from her. Thing is as a kid going through all that I thought it was normal to be starved, to be neglected from learning stuff, to never have encouragement. What I went through left me so many emotional scars because of the convincing she put me through. "Mom could you have taken me away. Mom you could have done something." She could have but didn't want to.

I was raised by my grandparents from the age of nine until I lost both of them. Ten years ago Mommow to COPD, Flu and Pneumonia. The old man to a heart attack.

3: Controlling: The old man was very controlling with me. I was officially diagnosed with bipolar when I has a severe mental breakdown in 2013 after the death of my grandma. He lied about my mental state fully aware of what he was doing. Anything to defame someone to make himself feel good made him feel superior.

Last words from the old man: Emily you have to promise me you will take care of Lynn when I am gone.

My first instinct was to say whatever I need to just to survive. No I don't take breaking promises lightly to those I actually love. But I broke my promise to him because I just wanted to be free to live my own life. So much did I live in fear. But I couldn't do it no more.

That's how much his words met to me after his death. I hate to say this, but I didn't feel guilty. He treated me so horribly I could write a book on his toxic behaviour.

3.a: How do you know realise you are turning into the very person you didn't want to: The old man will never realise that he turned into the very person he didn't want to be. His own father. When he died know one planned his wake according to his two daughters didn't want one. Of course they were wrong I knew the old man like the back of my hand he would have wanted to give others the chance to mourn him.

4: Not Having the Time to Mourn: He never gave me time to mourn. It would be nearly ten years before I could grieve.

5: Feeling the need to say "I'm sorry": I always felt the need to apologise and to submission bow to him. To never press anything further. To just keep it inside.

6: Being called a liar: When I saw things that were true I was always called a liar when I recalled them to my abusers. They would dismiss my thoughts as if it were nothing more then something they can toy with. How do you justify this?

7: Gaslighting: This was probably my grandfather's favourite thing to do. Gaslighting me making me question my sanity. I almost had a mental breakdown so many times had it not been for my fiancé then but husband now. The mind games had been to much for me, psychological warfare I didn't know this at that time but for him its like dinging a sausage in front of a dog. It's something that's inhumane.

After learning everything than, I finally got the strength to leave after the old man died. That's when I became free. And for all of those who are going through abuse now, you can walk away much sooner then that you just must have the strength. Because no one deserves this.