6 Lessons in Self-Preservation

I think most of us reach a point in life where we realize we are spending far too much energy trying to make people happy. Trying not to “let anyone down". Often to our own detriment. If you have not reached this point, I pray you take the lessons I learned and use them to your benefit so you never have to.

Some people spend an entire lifetime burning the candle at both ends just trying to appease everyone. This was me. Until just recently when I was this close (holds fingers an inch apart) to a full on mental breakdown.

I have had times in my life where I feel burnt out, tired, frustrated. But this time was different. I quit my customer service job on a whim mid-shift and turned my life upside down. There would be no more toxic positivity in the workplace while I stuff my feelings of frustration deeper and deeper, not allowed to actually express what most of us were already thinking.

But it didn’t stop there. The “friends” I had that only really spoke to me when they need free life coaching or someone to dump their shit on were also cut loose. These people were only using me. When I needed a shoulder to lean on, where were they? Off enjoying their lives that I helped them clean up when they needed it.

Nope! It was time to make some serious changes and put myself first for a change. I was at rock bottom and I needed to climb up and out of this pit of despair.

To do this, I needed to set some ground rules.

Stop making them a priority when you’re barely an option in their eyes. If those “friends” of yours only make time for you when there is no one else around to keep them amused, or they want something from you, they are not really your friends and you need to stop making them a priority in your life. Hold people to the same standard they hold you to.

Love others without sacrificing yourself. I know, this is definitely easier said than done. Especially for women in today’s society. We are taught from the time we are young that we are to put the needs of others first and keep people happy, but this is one of my most important rules.

Say no and mean it. If someone asks you to do something for you and you really don’t want to, don’t! And yes, this includes your children (unless it’s necessary, like providing basic needs). If a colleague at work asks you to help them finish up their work and you don’t want to, don’t. If your son/daughter asks you to buy them that new game and you don’t want to, don’t.

Set boundaries and keep them. One very important boundary in my house is that if I am in the washroom, everyone needs to wait until I am finished and have exited the room before asking me for anything. I used to get knocks on the door while in the shower and while using the toilet asking me to hurry up so I could do something else for someone. This was super frustrating and had to stop. Of course, an emergency overrides this. For example, if someone is injured and it needs attention, this boundary goes out the window. My kiddos are getting older now, so this is one that needs less enforcing, but it is a great example of a small boundary that can be implemented to help save your sanity.

Stop people pleasing. Start serving yourself for a change. Do more of what makes you happy. This one goes hand in hand with saying no and meaning it. I’m not saying not to do anything for anyone, but do the things that help you fill your cup up. You may not enjoy every task you do to help people, but you definitely do not have to say yes to everything you are asked to do.

Take time for self care. Take time every day (yes, every day) to fill your own cup up. You can’t pour from an empty jug, and you can’t give from energy you don’t have. Taking time to take care of yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary.

While quitting your job in the middle of your shift may not work for everyone, it was what I needed to do in that moment to save myself from the raging dumpster fire that was my emotions. With tears streaming and snot flowing, I quit without even having a backup plan in place. Of course, this posed a set of challenges, but my mental health is far more important than a job that was giving me suicidal ideations.

I don’t suggest doing it the way I did, but if you need to like I did, you should. It is more important that you remain alive and well than it is to continue serving a toxic workplace.

I hope that you enjoyed this article and got a little something out of it. You are amazing and deserve to be happy in life. If you are unhappy, it is a sign that there are things that need to change.

You are the creator of your life, you write the story. You get to choose how it goes. You will only get out of life what you tolerate, so if things are not the way you would like them to be, create a plan and take action.