What Color is your Dress?

I am bisexual, it is a part of me… but it has never been much of a struggle. I am extremely fortunate in this, and thankful too. I have aways just found that women are beautiful too. As a child it never hindered me. I wasn’t a very sexual child, even as I grew older. I was what you might call a late bloomer. Sex and all that it entailed did not interest me like it did my fellow highschoolers. Later when sexuality was a thing, I was still shy. I still am in some ways. I have never dated a woman. I have had some fun a time or ten in my life with a lady but never anything serious. Sorry to the gentlemen out there, but I have found that women are the better kissers. I tended to study that phenomenon particularly when I was out drinking. Honestly, I wouldn’t know how to go about dating a woman… Gods to be honest socially it’s difficult for me to initiate things with any sex. I’m not ashamed of that, even at my age, we all are who we are. That being said, I am not shy about who I am and I believe people have the right to be who they are.

I am open and understanding when it comes to people and their gender/ sexuality. I have friends that are gay, friends that are lesbians, I know several trans individuals, and a very close friend of mine is trans. People are people. I will say that again. People are people. Beyond that understanding, I firmly believe that if what you are doing isn’t harmful, I’ve got no right to tell you how to live (and this goes for other things as well). If more people would just shut up about what IS NOT their business in the first place the world would be a nicer place. You don’t have to love what I do but some basic tolerance would be great thanks very much.

I found recently though, that maybe I am not as open and understanding as I thought. Don’t we all learn things about ourselves as we experience life? Sometimes the things we learn are not flattering things.

My brothers’ child is 15, and they have had different views on gender throughout their life. I am going to use the pronoun they/them mostly they still go by he, but I want them to know I am trying to show respect for their sexuality. They are not so sure where they fit in. First, they were trans, then not, then gay. My impression is they don’t what they want. Which is on course for a teenager, don’t you think? Born a male, they enjoy some of the more feminine things of life. This has never bothered me. I only worried that they were deciding these things because the world said it was “cool.” Bless their heart, but they are a bit of a trend chaser. Has to have the Stanley cup, because it is cool, needs the fancy Iphone etc. Nothing wrong with this of course, most children want to be the cool kid, some adults too.

Not long ago they decided they were going to wear a dress to a dance at school. This is high school. I was worried that he would get teased. He has gotten teased in the past. I told them that I was behind them, but that they might want to think about not doing wearing a dress in this particular venue. They did wear that dress, and they looked fabulous and had a great time. (That's them in the picture, they are fabulous, am I right?) I'm glad they didn't listen to me. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t against it, against it… but I tried to dissuade him. True, it was out of protection, but was that all?

Some days later they decided they wanted “daisy dukes” I again tried to dissuade them. Although in this case it was more because I do not think any high schooler should wear shorts that can barely be called that. However, when they showed me the shorts I realized that they were just jean shorts- they were feminine in cut and style, but I didn’t care about that. Again, I was worried about what others would think… I didn’t stop him, but a part of me wanted to.

I have been thinking about it, and I realized that I wasn’t being as supportive as I wish I was. I want to be clear, I have no judgement towards anyone’s sexual/ nonsexual orientation. We are all red under the skin. People are People. I have repeatedly told my brother’s child that they can talk to me about anything. They can be open with me about who they are- man, woman, purple people eater- whatever they think or want to be. This is truth, absolute truth. Yet, I find myself judging and thinking I know better. Since they went from- I am trans to I am not to I am gay to… etc. I chose to be less accepting than I should be, I thought they are just saying what they hear at school. I thought maybe they were confused… Maybe they are. But who cares? If they feel that these things resonate with them, who am I to say anything? No one that’s who. They have all the rights in the universe to claim whatever they want to be. I was dismissing their sexuality. The whole time I was patting myself on the back for being understanding and listening to them, I was not being as supportive as I should be. Part of it is worry for them, but I love them, but dismissal is dismissal. They said something to me the other day, and I had this automatic negative reaction. Something small, I don’t even remember what it was. But as I fought down that negative reaction, I started thinking about what it really meant.

And here we are. Moving forward, I am going to help them be them. Whether they choose to be a woman for a day, a year, or a lifetime I should and will support whatever feelings they have. I am glad that they wore that dress, that dress that I tried to convince them not to wear. I am glad that my worry and my ridiculous judgements did not stop them. When they tell me that they want to wear a dress I am going to ask what color.