There is Nothing Fake About My Oppression

Well, that was a fun thing to wake up to this morning...

That was sarcasm, in case it wasn’t obvious.

If you squint, stand on your head, and are extremely drunk, you can almost see her point: many Aromantic and Asexual individuals don’t experience the same kind of overt oppression that many Gay, Lesbian amd Trans individuals do. Instead, we experience a lot of the exclusionary and overlapping edges type of oppression.

We get the same “you just haven’t had the right [man] yet,” and “how do you know you don’t like [men] if you haven’t tried it.” that Lesbian women do.

Even LGBTQ+ friendly online dating sites frequently exclude Asexual people.

I’ve been accused of “tricking” my date’s because it’s not just that I won’t be persuaded to have sex on the first date, but I can’t set a ‘timeline’ for getting hot and heavy, because I don’t know that we ever will.

I’ve lost count of how many times my relationships have been invalidated as “so, you’re just really good friends, then?” I’ve even been told by other Queer qeople that I should just admit to being in a QPR (Queer-Platonic Relationship, a term used for people who set up domestic households with people they aren’t necessarily in a relationship with).

In high school, I got called a liar and excluded from truth or dare at sleepovers and school camps for saying that there wasn’t a single celebrity I wanted to sleep with.

I thought I was broken because I reacted with revulsion when a boy I liked kissed me at the end of our date

When the Good Omens Miniseries adaptation dropped, and I saw an Asexual romance depicted on-screen for the first time in all its slow-burn domesticity, I ran to social media to scream about it... only to see post after post claiming it was “Queer-baiting” because they never kissed.

I even got called Homophobic for pointing out that people don’t have to kiss on screen to be in love.

Oppression isn’t “Fake” just because it’s experienced differently.

Broadly, Asexuality comes in 3 different types: Sex-Repulsed, Sex-Indifferent/Sex-Neutral, and Sex-Positive.

Sex-Repulsed are the people who would cheerfully die virgins, because they don’t just lack sexual attraction, they’re actively repulsed by the thought of having sex.

Sex-Indifferent/Sex-Neutral Are the people who might never have sex, or might have it occasionally with a partner who isn’t Asexual, or might try it once to see what all the fuss is about. They still do not feel sexual attraction, but treat sex the same as going on a long hike because their partner is an outdoorsy person, or sitting through a slasher film because that’s what their partner likes watching. It’s an activity they do because their partner likes it, more than any particular appeal to them.

Sex-Positive are the Asexuals who may possess a sex drive under specific circumstances (Greysexual), or who may enjoy the experience of sex despite not feeling sexual attraction to other.

Obviously, those three classifications are a Venn Diagram, not a Pie Chart, and Asexuality is an umbrella term. There are also Asexuals who enjoy reading about sex but don’t want to actually experience it themselves, or might enjoy various kink practices as long as no penetration is involved, and countless other “in-between” identities.

Several of my friends still giggle about the time I decided to write a smutty romance novel (semi-successful, plot kept creeping in) and sat down with them and a notebook to check if my sexy scenes were plausible, physically possible for humans, and within Safe Sane and Consensual boundaries.

(Yes, I have opinions about the Fifty Shades series, why do you ask?)

(You can message me privately if you want the link, I’m not posting it here)

Honestly, I’m not surprised that Rowling chose Asexuality Visibility Day to tweet this.

TERFs never stop with Trans people, Asexuals are another easy target due to the aforementioned exclusion, and “Asexuals aren’t actually oppressed” has been the rally cry for people who don’t believe Asexuality exists for decades now.

I wish I was surprised by any of this, but I’m not.