The First Date Quandary

To be frank, I had no idea that Preston liked me. He claimed to be straight, and I took him at his word. There was no reason to doubt him. And to be honest, I didn't know if I liked him as a person at first. 

He was standoffish and had a sarcastic remark for everything. Looking back, I should have been in love with him from the jump, but then this would be a very different story.

We met at writing group. Over time, he began to join my group for dinner or drinks after the meetings. He bonded with my friends over teasing me for enjoying cottage cheese, even when I'm not dieting.

Then something changed one night.

"Will you walk with me to the train station?" Preston asked. "I have something I want to tell you." 

"Yeah, of course," I said. 

I had no idea what was going on, but I learned early on that if someone asks to talk, you don't say no. Maybe he just wanted to vent about writing or ask advice about a love interest, I thought. 

While we weren't exactly that close, it wouldn't be the first time a straight dude asked me for help with the ladies. Most of them know that gay men can help with insight into what the women want. 

As we walked, Preston was noticeably quiet. For someone who wanted to talk, words were not coming out of his mouth. This worried me. 

But before I could ask him what was up, two mutual friends caught up to us. Whatever he wanted to say would have to wait. 

Homebound And Out

Preston would have to wait longer to tell me because that weekend, I headed home to Detroit. My sister was getting married, and I was giving her away. So, I had to be present. 

During the wedding, I got a little drunk. I talked to my cousin about Preston and finally admitted that maybe I was attracted to him. But I understood that a firm boundary was in place because I believed him to be straight. 

"I don't think he's straight," my cousin said. 

"He said he's straight, that's all there is to it," I countered.

"Straight guys don't tell their gay friends they miss them." 

"He might. Things are different." 

When I shared the story with a friend, she jumped on the bandwagon and argued that Preston did indeed have feelings for me. She pointed out that he found little way to make me laugh and smile. 

She also pointed out that he found little ways to touch me. 

To no one's surprise, I was not convinced. Preston insisted he was straight and that was the end of the story. Except, he hadn't actually insisted he was straight. 

As was later pointed out to me, his exact words were that he'd only been in one relationship and his partner was a woman. But he never ruled out being with men. 

I was stunned by this revelation. 

"Preston, do you have a crush on me?" I asked in a text message. 

"I live outside of Manhattan and travel all the way to see you twice a week," one response read. The next said: "What do you think?" 

At that moment, I thought I had too much to drink and this was a conversation that needed to be done in person.

First Date Or No

Once I was back in Manhattan, I decided that it was time for us to have the talk. It turned out that Preston had the same idea and asked our mutual friends to allow us some time alone together. They all agreed.

After writing group, he and I went to a local pizzeria. We both loved cheap pizza and beer, so we decided to have that as we talked through what was happening with our relationship. 

As we waited in line, I noticed that he kept trying to hold my hand. I offered it out to him, and he grabbed it with a smile on his face. It felt nice and natural for us to be holding hands. 

"Is this our first date?" Preston asked, his cheeks turning bright red. 

"Do you want it to be?" I countered, feeling the heat on my own cheeks. 

"I do," he said. 

Before he could lean in for a kiss, we were called up to order. The employee looked between us and turned his back to us. He pulled out a box and handed it to Preston, who slid some cash over. 

The pizza was in the shape of a heart. He claims he didn't set it up, but I have doubts.

"I really like you," he said to me as we took our first slices. 

"I like you too," I answered. "But I thought you were straight, and I didn't want to introduce an awkwardness." 

"I never said that." 

It was the first debate of a wonderful relationship. Preston and I were not a typical couple. We found pleasure in debating one another, in pushing the other to find better arguments. 

And when the relationship came to its natural conclusion, there was no drama. We both admitted that we were at a juncture where if we stayed together, one would be unhappy. Which is not what either of us wanted. 

We chose love.