Six Weeks Was Long Enough

Dating is hard. Dating as an outspoken gay man is nearly impossible. Things come out of my mouth that even I don't anticipate. Sometimes it's sweet and sometimes.... it shouldn't have been said. 

When I began talking to Dido on OKCupid, he admitted that he was the same way. We spent hours cracking each other up. The conversation had no natural flow, it just was. We understood it. 

Then he asked me to dinner. 

He told me about this little diner on the Upper West Side of Manhattan that he loved. We set a time and agreed to meet. Things were moving in a positive direction. 

Over dinner, we chatted about almost everything. From exes to the new season of Housewives of whatever city. 

"I don't watch, but my best friend does, so I keep up," I said to him. 

"What do you mean you don't watch?" Dido was shocked by my admission. 

We then moved on to reading. This is where things got a bit complicated, but not right away. 

"I don't read," he admitted. 

"What do you mean you don't read?" I asked, surprised at the admission. 

In the moment, the differences didn't seem to be a big deal. After all, just because I am an avid reader, didn't mean he had to be. It seemed ludicrous to think it was an issue. 

But it was a giant red flag. One that was easy to ignore, but shouldn't have been tossed aside like an empty takeout container. There were issues and if I'd paid attention to the reading thing, I would have noticed them sooner. 

Three Week Trouble

Thanksgiving arrived. Dido and I had been dating for three weeks at that point. He was going to Long Island to see his family. I had decided to stay in Manhattan, instead of going back to Detroit to see mine. 

I was going to be flying at Christmas to see them and thought it financially responsible to not fly twice in less than a month. 

Dido asked if I would be ok by myself. For the first time in my life, the first thing that came to my mind was not what I said. I need a break from hanging out with you all the time. 

Outside of him going to work, we really had been attached at the hip. Every single night. Even on nights when we weren't supposed to get together, somehow we ended up together. 

And the conversations were turning darker. 

"This is not how I work in real life," I said, pointing to the episode of Friends on the TV. "If we break up, that's it. We weren't friends before we dated, and won't be after." 

"Don't say that!" Dido insisted. 

But then he turned the tables in a way that I hadn't expected. When he talked about his ex previously, it appeared that the breakup was mutual because they had grown apart. 

Around this time, he told me something that blew my mind completely. His view of a long-term relationship was not what we had talked about before. 

"Even if we're together for five years, you have to have your own place," Dido said. Then added, "I mean, even if we're living together. That way if we have a fight, I can kick you out then bring you home when I feel like it." 

"That's incredibly toxic and doesn't work for me," I retorted. He was surprised by my candor, which surprised me since he knew about my bluntness. 

It became very apparent to me that this was not going to work out. In my heart of hearts, I knew that there was an expiration date for my relationship with Dido, but something held me back from doing what needed to be done. 

A lesson, an experience, I had to have. 

Gone And Not Missed

I found myself pulling away from the relationship. But never pulled the trigger on ending it out right. Yes, I owed it to him and more importantly to myself to end it, yet I didn't. 

Part of me thought that maybe I was looking too far into things. Many of my former partners had different views on relationships, but we ended up compromising when issues came up. Why couldn't it happen with Dido? 

That answer is easy. 

Dido was not like my other exes. He was stuck in his ways, he thought that he was right no matter what. Which was frustrating to me because it often meant he didn't take what I said seriously. 

We were supposed to go to a Christmas event at the Lincoln Center. It wasn't something I looked forward to, but I figured I'd do it for him. But then he canceled on me at the last minute. 

"Don't come to Lincoln Center tonight, my friend said she'd prefer it just be the two of us," he texted me. 

"WTAF! This is not OK, and I am furious..." I wrote back. My message was the length of a novel. The essential message was that he was wrong and not to text me, I would talk to him when I wasn't mad anymore. 

He didn't listen and continued to message me. I left him on read.

The following day, he was leaving for a trip to San Francisco. He messaged me asking if I wanted to say goodbye or go with him to the airport. My one word answer was no. 

While he was gone, I spent some time with a friend. After some heavy drinking and a drag queen inspired makeover session, she asked me a question that has haunted me ever since. 

"Do you miss Dido?"

"Not even a little," I answered. 

It became clear to me what I had to do. But with Christmas just under two weeks away, I decided to wait until after to break up with him. It felt like the right thing to do. 

Nobody gave him the memo. 

Goodbye And Good Riddance

When he returned, he was sick. Rather than tell me to stay away, he begged me to take care of him. I brought him soup and worked from his living room. 

Once he was better, we talked about Christmas shopping. He thought we should do a limitless rule, but I said that we should keep things reasonable. Not only because I knew we were going to be breaking up, but because we hadn't been together all that long. 

We exchanged presents on a Sunday. Something felt off to me, but I couldn't put my finger on what. Even now, I can't say why I felt the way I did, all I know is I felt odd.

An answer would come that Tuesday. He asked if I was still working, I wasn't. Since I was leaving for Detroit the next day, I finished early enough to pack and relax. 

"Can we meet for dinner? We need to talk," he said via text to me. 

"Are we breaking up?" I messaged back. 

"It's not that simple..." he insisted. 

"It's a yes or no question, Dido. ARE WE BREAKING UP?" 

"Yes," he answered. 

"I'll be removing you from social media and blocking you. Please do not call or text me any longer." 

He told me I was immature, but then asked if I would give it a few days. I said no, I warned him that if we broke up this was going to be the result. 

When I returned to the city, he sent his best friend to speak to me. To try to get me to change my mind, but I stayed steadfast. And I am proud of myself for sticking to my principles. 

It took me some time to understand that him breaking up with me was a lesson I needed. In my other relationships, I was the one to end it. Being on the other end of it taught me to be more empathetic.

And in the end, the world is better with more empathy.