Mamas secret

For any mother, despite knowing your imperfect, you want to do the best and be perfect for your children. What happens when mother is hiding a secret? A secret that has the possibility to destroy her entire family. The mother loved all children, especially her own. She would spend her time tending to all their need. Behind the dresses, the makeup, the mom bun she felt like an imposter. She always preached to her children to be true to themselves she would love them no matter what. She, however, did not love herself. Could it be that she was a tad overweight? Did her parent not dote on her enough?

She was bisexual, her husband and family knew and accepted this. From the moment she had been able to utter words on the beauty that every woman beheld she had done so. Often turning red at stolen glances caught by the same sex. There was one thing that she seldom shared with anyone. Much like a turducken on the outside she felt ordinary and dry, a common turkey. However, on the inside a surprise awaited. It was not a phase, not some fad she decided to try after binging one gay film too many, the mother had always known that she was not really a she, she was a he.

All her life she felt pulled in two directions. Like being split in two she times felt so feminine, but overall, she knew the reality was that she should have been born a man. Once she let this slip with her family that she would become a he , but this led to threatening to meltdowns from all sides. Her mother sent message after message assuring her it was no more than a mistake on her thinking. That college had caused her to lose her mind. What she really had gained though was freedom. Freedom to explore. Freedom to finally let her indulge the him that had longed to break free. It was at this moment she knew that to not only appease her family or at least keep them that this part who was him would have to remain locked inside of her. For years there would be suicide attempts anything she could do to try and kill the he she felt, but nothing ever worked.

sHE began wearing more dresses, trying anything to help act the part. Before sHE knew it besides the occasional bout of depression that part of HEr remained hidden. Fast-forwarding one failed marriage and one amazing child later there was doubt that that part would ever be able to make a reappearance. If it were to come to light, to become a reality what would happen with HEr child? It wasn't that the mother was ashamed of who sHe was. It was not until after first looking into the eyes of HEr son that sHE knew that despite not wanting to act on what felt so right sHE could live with that. The hardest lesson in life was learning to be comfortable, to know they would be loved no matter who they were.

We all have secrets we hope our children will not find. We all have secrets we hope no one else will ever find out. What would you do choose your own happiness or to have your family? In the end how many of us learn to live with a piece of ourselves that cast us as the black sheep, pushing that puzzle piece that's not quite at piece with the rest of you back down. My best advice for those who feel that they cannot love themselves is to learn. We all are created the way we are supposed to be, whether we act on how we were created is up to us. Be proud of who you are no matter what. Your kids, your real family they will love and support you. No matter how long it takes you are worth the effort it takes to love yourself.