Lifting Spirits

“Rei. Rei, open up.”

Silence.

“Rei Fortuna Letra if you don’t open this goddamn door right now, I’m gonna-”

The door creaks open and the young woman slams it open, muttering half-hearted praises about being lucky. The woman is hispanic, her light brown skin contrasting the dark eyes that glared into the empty room.

“Rei, you can’t stay in here forever.”

“Says you.” a husky voice says from the next room.

“Rei!”

The woman turned a corner, expecting to see the person in question sitting on the couch, most likely staring at nothing. Instead, she nearly tripped over them, stumbling and taking a step back to find them hunched in the doorway, looking anywhere but at her.

“You really shouldn’t sit in a doorway. Anyone could trip over you.” the woman remarked, sitting down beside them.

“Don’t care.”

“How’d you open the door from here?”

“Auto-lock.”

“Right, I forgot how high tech-fancy shmancy you used to be.” the woman let out a laugh that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “So, what are you doing down here?”

“Sitting.”

“I can see that.” the woman slid herself up to rest against the wall, joining them. “Rei, what’s wrong?”

“You know goddamn well what’s wrong.”

“Rei-”

“It’s all my fault.”

“Rei! Don’t say that!”

“What should I say, Caterina?!” they snapped back in a suddenly almost natural accent, before stiffening and looking away. “What should I say?”

“That you didn’t kill him.”

“But I-”

“Loved him.”

Rei pulled their legs up to their chest, hugging them and resting their head on their knees. “Did I really?”

“Of course you loved him, what kind of dumb question is that?” Caterina asked, absentmindedly tugging the ponytail out of her hair and beginning to braid it.

“I haven’t cried, at all. You’d think I would cry if I loved him.”

“Everyone deals with grief in their own way.”

Rei was silent for a while after that. Caterina didn’t push them, merely watching as they stared at nothing, occasionally twisting around the ring that was on their left hand.

“When was the last time you ate?” Caterina asked them eventually. Rei just shrugged. “Rei! You need to eat and take care of yourself!”

“I haven’t been hungry.”

“Nonsense. I’m making you some of my famous tomato soup. Your favorite, too, so no saying you can’t eat it.” Caterina stood up and kissed Rei’s cheek, then walked into the kitchen. Rei watched her go with a blank expression.

The doorway to the kitchen was currently uninhabited by a door, like most entrances in a house, which allowed Caterina to continue lecturing her friend as she cooked.

“The boss is wondering where you’ve been, you know. You need to go back to work eventually.”

“I’m never going back.”

“You wanna tell Maya that?”

“Can you?”

“Absolutely not, you trying to doom your friend to hell?” Caterina asked, turning around to give them a look. Rei cracked a smile, though it seemed forced. “She wants you to come back.”

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I’m not saying it.” Rei insisted.

“You already said you haven’t cried.”

“Because I haven’t said it, I’m not saying it now, me not crying is not an extortion point.”

“Aw, but it’s so fun! C’mon Reilito, tell Momma Caterina why you don’t wanna go to work.”

“...He…”

“Yes?”

“Because… he… because he’s gone.”

The words fell out of Rei’s mouth in a flood, and with them came a gasping sigh, half relief, half pain. Rei relaxed their crouch, practically collapsing against the wall and screwing their eyes shut as tears began to drip down their face.

“Oh, baby…” Caterina dropped the wooden spoon she was holding and rushed to hug the now sobbing Rei. “Shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”

“He’s gone… he’s gone, Caterina… Sal… my Sal is-is gone…” Rei buried their head in their hands, their body shuddering with convulsions. “I’m never going to see him again… I never will…”

Caterina just held them tightly, one hand resting in their hair. Finally, she spoke.

“...In the cities of New York, Paris, and London,” Caterina began in a whisper. “People refrain from using the word ‘death’ because it burns their lips so.”

Rei mumbled something unintelligible, which Caterina ignored.

“But in Central America, the people praise the word. They caress it, sing its praises, it brings them pleasure.”

“Cat…”

“Rei.” Caterina contradicted.

“Why do you do this?”

“I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t want your help.”

“I think you do, actually. The more you insist you don’t want my help the more I think you do.”

“I just… I just want Sal…”

“Well, you’ve got me instead.” Caterina lifted their chin. “Come on Rei, just listen for a bit?”

Rei hesitated, then nodded.

“Good. Now, as I was saying, in my culture, we praise death, we accept it.” Caterina reached out and gently touched Rei’s cheek. “Death and Life are like soulmates. You cannot have life without death, no death without life.”

“Why did it have to be his life?”

“Fate has a funny way of sorting things out.” Caterina shrugged. “The point is, Reilito, you can’t just let his death drag you down like this. Death should be honored, respected. You’re not respecting his memory by being like this.”

“So you’re just here to tell me I’m grieving wrong?”

“Of course not Rei. I’m saying you’ve had time to be sad. Now it’s time to dry your tears and see what an amazing person your Sal was.”

“What…?”

Caterina smiled softly, her own eyes glazing over with tears. “He really was a remarkable man, Rei, he was brave, he was funny, and he was kind. Do you think he would want you to wallow in your grief forever?”

Rei sniffed slightly, wiping their eyes and flashing a genuine smile momentarily. “We promised each other once that if anything ever happened… we’d move on…”

“So why don’t you?” Caterina tapped Rei’s nose gently. “You’re a handsome, proud, gay non-bi, men should be falling to their knees begging for you to marry them.”

“It just… feels like… no matter how long it’s been… if I move on, I’ll forget him… I’ll forget Sal…”

“Aw, come on Rei, you could never forget your precious Salvador.” Caterina hugged Rei tightly. “You’re an elephant, Reilito. Elephants never forget.”

Rei smiled and gently kissed Caterina’s temple. “Cat… will you help me build an… what are they called? The stand for your ancestors?”

“An ofrenda?” Caterina laughed and hugged them tightly. “Sure Reilito. We can make an ofrenda for Sal. You know, in our culture, we believe those who have passed on have merely entered the next stage in life. The Great Beyond of heaven is just the next phase. Your Sal is there, waiting for you, and watching over you. He wants you to live the life you deserve.”

Rei laughed softly, their head lowering with an embarrassed blush. “If you say so… hey, Cat, do you smell that?”

“Oh crap, the soup!” Caterina leapt up and rushed for the kitchen, ramming into the door frame before dodging into the kitchen, frantically turning off the stove and taking the pot off the burner. “Shit shit shit-”

That was when Rei began laughing. Really, full-on laughing. They stood up for the first time in what felt like months, walking over to their friend and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s all ruined…” Caterina groaned, dumping the completely burned tomato soup into the sink.

“It’s okay, Cat. You tried.”

Caterina sighed and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s fine. Takeout on me?”

“Mexican food?”

“Trying to make me feel better?”

“I could just go for a giant burrito.”

“That’s what happens when you don’t feed yourself, Reilito.” Caterina laughed and hugged them. “Alright, come on, grab your stuff.”

Rei smiled softly, twisting the ring on their finger one more time, before grabbing a satchel by the door. Caterina waited for them patiently, and they smiled, taking one last look around at their house, before following Caterina out. The door shut after the two friends, leaving the house still.

The auto-lock clicked on, and the room was quiet.