Whiplash

I feel too organic for this chess game.

Every good morning and goodnight feels so calculated and rigid.

Meanwhile the vines growing from my heart prepare to threaten my arteries.

The dark fairies of the garden whisper nightmares into my mind.

They have me picturing your hands around my neck

and wishing for all the air to leave my lungs

until I'm limp beneath you.

They have me remembering the desperate goodbyes

and the whiplash of tomorrow

that lasted for weeks.

They taunt me and tell me that my happiness died a year ago.

Say my tears will fill my airways and drown me.

Say there's no use in fighting the inevitable.

Say the darkness will consume me,

There's no winning in the middle of a hurricane.

Sometimes your love feels like poison

And I've grown immune to the antidote

Sometimes your love has caterpillars turning to butterflies

And a rainbow graces the bright blue sky.

Sometimes my mind has it it all figured out

And then my heart shatters the glass painting.

Do you know what it's like to feel so broken but whole

to love and hate yourself all in the same sentence?

My emotions have always been a contradiction to themselves.