What I Am

I am

Comfortable

When I lay in bed

And pinch a layer of fat

Give it a wiggle

Maybe a sigh

You lean over to kiss my belly

Murmur acceptance

And roll over

Back to sleep

Like you knew

That was all I needed

I am

Silly

As I snatch a piece of bacon

Straight from the plate

Even though

You told me to stop

And you smack me

With the spatula

Leaving a grease stain

And a smile

On both our faces

As I reach for another

I am

Scared

That one day

I'll wake up

And you'll be

Gone

Or you'll change your mine

About us

About me

And I'll have to figure out

How to breathe again

Without you

I am

Delighted

When you pull me in

Claiming that I'm

Too far

And I need to

Be held

You gasp first

At my toes

Cold against you

But we press close

And settle there

I am

Worn

My broken self

Exposed

Unprotected

So you hold me

Tight to your chest

Where your heartbeat

Is louder

Than my own screaming thoughts

Exhaustion is easier here

And I close my eyes

I am

Calm

At ease

Whatever you call this

Peaceful quiet

When you are near

No expectations

Or rules

Of what you need from me

To keep you here

You stay and I stay

By choice

I am

Guilty

When I talk about you

With others

I echo their words

A mess

Always around

Loud

And I feign exasperation

With a smile

But my mind is bursting to say

I love these things about you

I am

Breathless

Every time I catch your eye

And you say

Forever

With your glance

Or you say

Infinity

With your hands

Holding us so gently

In this space

We've created

I am

Frustrated

The kind with rising tears

And twisted insides

Because I can't possibly

Find the words I need

To tell you

All the ways I feel

And no book

No library

Has the answers for me

This time

I am

Trying

To be everything

You ever wanted

I am

Trying to say these things

Without a quiver in my voice

Because I need you to hear

Everything that

I am

When I'm with you