What Am I?

I am not a girl.

I am a mess of caffeinated energy and

Sleepless nights that I complain about afterwards and

Hours of writing and

Poorly timed jokes and

So many ideas

I am not a girl.

I am a fighter,

A swimmer just barely

floating

above the waves of stress and despair,

An actor of theaters and daily lives alike.

I am not a girl.

I am a wind,

A free spirit chasing its desires and

Flying too fast for its own good but

Still, too scared to

S l o w d o w n

Because then it will be too late

And the wind will have b l o w n a w a y,

Abandoning

me,

All on my own.

I am not a girl.

I am a pile of fears, all shoved into one person

And forced to keep going, keep pushing, because if I stop,

Then it will all

come

crashing

down.

I am not a girl.

I am a desire to run,

To turn away and leave it all behind,

And a fear of disappointing

Those who truly care

And the desire slowly fading.

I am not a girl.

I am a doctor of the sciences,

A god of the Greeks,

A killer of the ancient times well-versed in the arts of

Murder.

The youngest of five but the oldest by mind,

A thinker,

A feeler,

The problem solver and the problem all at once.

I am a rush of adrenaline and a green light and a

Second chance

When no one else is willing to give it.

I am fox jumping over a river and a songbird flying overhead and a

sacrificial lamb

And so easily wounded but still so strong

And I am anything but

A girl.