Wank Cramp

flogging my log

on a nice afternoon

stroking like a professional

hoping i’ll come real soon

smacking the old trouser lizard

with everything i've got

bashing it and thrashing it

like a loony that's lost the plot

but then i got a wank cramp

in my arm, my dick and my back

my fingers freezed my grip it seized

my dick went all floppy and slack

i lost ninety degrees of stiffness

and i lost control of my bladder

one thousand bloody funerals

couldn't have made me sadder

sitting damp and unhappy

in a puddle of warm piss

how did this all this all happen

how did it come to this...?

it’s in my wrist and it’s in my arm

in my wrist in my arm

my wrist my arm

a little bit of hand to gland;

self abuse and harm

it hurts like bloody hell

wont let me polish my wood

but i'm not putting it away

not like a good boy should

gonna beat it raw gonna beat it bloody

gonna rise above the pain

gonna transcend gonna mend

and then i’m gonna do it again

gonna whap my purple helmeted junket gun

this is a round i’m not gonna lose

i’m gonna slap it i’m gonna fap it

until it coughs until it spews