Vanity Card #9

I have reason to believe that my dreams are trying to tell me something. After several tired days and sleepless nights, I've concluded that I am, in fact, at a crossroads with myself. As I watched the sun rise high enough to kiss the mountains the other morning, it dawned on me that I'm in my mid-twenties. This came to me as a shock, as though my mind had skipped a beat, well, six years worth of beats. In three months I'm expected to move back to the city after living nomadically for years. I'm going back to university after having dropped out three times. I'm going to attempt living The Adult Life. I don't have a back up plan if it doesn't work out. This is it. My only shot to follow through on all the things I so cowardly backed out of time after time. I've started noticing little things in life that I hadn't picked up on before. The air in my little basement suite feels too lived in. The dust collects more quickly these days. The lack luster routine is getting stale. Soon, this living room that I have cultivated to feel peaceful will be torn down and put in several boxes. My little treasures won't find their place until I'm settled in a space that I don't even know what it might look like. Everything is up in the air. The discomfort of change is not something that's unfamiliar to me. But given how the last two years have influenced my way of being, change feels like the scariest challenge thus far. I'm only twenty-four years old. There is not shortage of challenges ahead of me. Then how come moving, something I've done a million times, seems so daunting this time? Why am I just now clueing back into what being me means? Somewhere along the line I've forgotten who I am. Now I'm reintroducing myself to the self that is an adult. She's intimidating. It will take sometime to warm up to her. The self I thought I knew is no longer there. My dreams are trying to tell me something. They're telling me it's time to grow up.