Unbirthday
For Ellie Hoovs' Unofficial Wonderland Poetry Prompts Challenge
I don't want to be Benjamin Button.
I like where I birthday now.
But I think my peak has been reached.
Small coloured candles of my accrued years
Melted would make a rainbow pillar of wax,
Mismatched and lurid but pleasing to see
Which would burn still, with a brightness
That flickers with the wind that life sends its way;
But it would stand, still,
Softening gently with heat and steadily,
Diminishing with grace,
A new shape forming
From the years contained
Slightly stooped, leaning
But upright - just.
I would not want to unbirthday;
Those years are my own
And I am glad for them.
But if new ones could ease towards me more slowly
In a trickle,
Mellow and nonchalantly-paced,
I could descend from my peak,
In control and carefully,
Step by measured step,
Taking time to enjoy the view.
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Comments (20)
Congratulations Rachel, on your recognition this week. 😊😊
I love this Rachel, such a great piece about being proud of the years/ lessons that make you who you are!! Congrats on fifth place on the weekly leaderboard!
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Congratulations on the Top Story, Rachel! 🥳💐💫
Fantastic final line! Never has a descent sounded so beautiful! Very well done, Rachel!
Must, rather than should.
This should be picked for the book.
“Taking time to enjoy the view.“ Again, I loved all of it. I picked the last one because at some point reading the poem snd I don’t know when exactly, I got transported to my late grandmother’s house. It was surreal. I walked the whole house in my mind whilst reading your poem, slowly. I didn’t stop it. I mean, I kept on reading whilst mentally walking in the house, when I was a child. Taking time to enjoy the view. And I finished walking the house. It made sense. It was a surreal experience that I can’t explain.
Masterpiece in my opinion. I felt all the emotions.
Delightful… you might plateau at your peak, for years… that’s my plan, from my perspective of my lofty years!🤔🙃
That’s quite a last line - I know I’m terrible at appreciating things now. I feel like I either look back or at some point in the future. This is such a lovely reminder to stay in the here and now.
ahhh...the view :)
That might be nice. But then I wonder, do I really want my decline--my evanescing--to be drawn out? I guess that depends upon whether it proves pleasant or painful.
Well-wrought! The wax diminishes as the wick burns down, but there is something, I believe, that is never lost.
This is one of my favorite pieces from you. It's so gentle and delicate and you've captured the essence of birthdays as time goes on so well. This will stick with me for a while!
This is a very reflective piece, Rachel. I felt it deeply. Partly, because that is where I live, but mostly because of how gently and beautifully you evoked it!
oh I love this, and I so feel it! If the new ones could ease towards me more slowly, indeed! I love the grace and the acceptance of age here, and the theme that we would not choose to unbirthday - just give us time to enjoy the view. Does life ever slow down? I don't know that it does but I do find myself taking the time to be more slow and enjoy more moments with deep attention for them.
I couldn’t quite get the tone of this, perhaps I read too fast, but on reread it is kind of quirky! And I like your sense of humour. 😁
Yes, it would be nice if the pace was slow. Loved your poem!
"But if new ones could ease towards me more slowly In a trickle," I am with you 😉😉