Two sides = One Coin

Growing up, I was taught that colors represent different emotions

“Red meant angry, blue signified sad, yellow symbolizes happiness”

Once I got older, I came to realize that with colors I now contain different notions

Even though they smiled and laughed, all I really saw was emptiness.

I was confused about the colors I saw

I hated the things I couldn’t understand

I saw one thing yet felt another, this wasn’t in the guide of life, isn't this against the law?

This tugging at my heart but comprehension in my mind makes my thoughts run wild to expand.

I began to learn about the negative emotions of humanity

All of the lying, the hurt, the anger, and the denial can lead a person to insanity

Some people have the courage to push through the negativity to get to the positivity but me?

No, I'm not like those people, for centuries the only colors I saw were red, blue and green.

I lost control of my emotions, years of letting other people affect me and the way I do things

If i’m being honest, I became so wrapped up in different people, you'd probably think I had mood swings.

So much energy was wasted on things and people who didn't deserve my time, all I could do to express my emotions was rhyme and eventually I got to my breaking point and replaced my heart with another mind.

When people looked at me I'm pretty sure all they saw was black, my emotions were no longer within me and I knew there was no turning back. All of my colors mixed into each other and became this big blob of nothing, I felt nothing yet still longed for something.

I searched without knowing what I was looking for, I knocked on every door, my face fell on every floor, I fought in every war and realized I didn’t want to pursue this feeling anymore, I became a walking corpse.

Yellow meant red, angry meant happy, love meant hate, joy meant death, it was all the same

I believed that emotions are just feelings that control you and in the end it only brought pain. I remembered the image I had of myself as a young adult when I was a child and thought “wow, this wasn't the plan, this isn't who I was supposed to become” from my problems all I did was run and I never believed that after night there was a morning sun.

Believe it or not, being numb gets boring and after everything is broken, there is literally nothing left of you, there are no more colors and looking at others made me feel insecure, sad, unintelligent, mad, hateful, angry, and every other dark color you can think of. It then clicked “Hey.. I’m feeling something” were they good feelings? No, but they were feelings and I just had to learn to embrace and learn from them. All my life I ridiculed and condemned my negative emotions, I hated them, I hated me. I wanted to start over and leave but then I realized I was running again so I learned to love the bad parts of me before I could love the good parts of me. Red now meant anger and love, Green now meant envy and healing, black now meant death and security, yellow now meant caution and joy. Every color now has a negative and positive switch to it and I love both sides, I'm unusual because I can be and see both sides. “Love and hate are two sides of the same coin” right?