Too Much

If I were a dog

You’d better believe I’d be a mutt

A mongrel

Some sad reject of yours

I’m not witty enough to be purebred

I’m not clever

I’m not kind

I don’t work well with others

I’m a sore and a stain

I pissed on your white shag carpet

And I don’t feel bad

I chewed on your candy bar

I rang you up a medical bill

I was a number on a scale

I was too hefty, too big, too much

~

If I were a beast of burden

Then you sold me like a cow

A curious innocent bovine

Throwing me to the curb

I’m not worthy enough to be milked

I’m not gentle

I’m not demure

I’ve never been fun at parties

I’m a bore and a tease

I shit all over your front lawn

And I didn’t pick it up

I smashed your glass coffee table

The neighbors called the cops

I was an alarm bell sounding

I was too loud, too angry, too much