today and every day

tell me who I am

am I the one I see in the mirror

with the eyes so full of hope and desperation

and fear and sadness and worlds so far

far away. they wait for me to open the door.

should I do it? should I risk the explosion

the shattering sound of my mind breaking?

breaking as I destroy that disconnect between the girl I live in my dreams

and the one who must walk the earth.

it happens a little doesn't it?

each time I sit here and stare at the same blasted screen

with that same sinking feeling

that same tugging of strings within me until I am but a puppet to my mind

it scares me sometimes

but most often I feel just tired

like my blood has run dry on a page full of my heart's darkest thoughts

like my mind has spun its course and its cogs and wheels are rusted with overuse

and the cotton wool that they stuffed between my ears becomes too heavy behind my eyes for me to dream of letting go.

but god do I want to let go.