To Suffer Does Not Art

We both know, don't we,

we've been told and shared,

considered and debated,

but came to the same conclusion,

that sometimes it's impossible

to take something revolting

and transform it into a beautiful gemstone.

-

It's funny,

-

We can argue the can and cannot attitude all day,

we can debate positive thinking,

but often, something disgusting is just

disgusting.

-

I believe you need a reasonable amount of self-belief, gutsy determination and ego to become a writer.

-

There is sense in that.

We can't possibly hope to transform

the repulsive into the attractive, the appealing.

-

To put your work out there and say "this should be read"

-

Sometimes, dirt is just dirt

and that's okay

sometimes, old and decrepit things

need to be disposed of

just like old and decrepit feelings,

emotions, relationships.

-

Despite flaws, there is a really loving person inside me.

-

There is no dishonour in giving up,

and casting it aside

burning in the fires of Gehenna,

the unwanted, putrid decomposed remains

remains that will never be anything more.

-

He's been shoved down deep down into dark shadowy places and has had a hard time showing himself.

-

There are times

you can't elevate the slurry at the bottom

to anything more.

-

I try to be kind and supportive. I often fail at this.

-

-

-

You can sift through the shards of broken glass

and grains of broken enterprise

but sometimes letting go

is the only safe escape from being pulled down with it.

A shipwreck can be a glorious,

fungus-infested and deconstructive adventure

but will you save the shipwreck

from assessing its demise

and marvelling at its decay?

-

I should do it more.

-

Another documentary,

another bubbled mumbled account

with talking heads and narration

but not the resurfacing,

not the reconstruction,

no salvation, only deliberation.

Understanding the dark and grey thoughts

permeating my mind,

the misery and malaise

that infects me at night

or while walking alone,

can be helpful.

-

Why is it so hard to feel good about ourselves?

-

-

But helpful does not make for pretty,

does not make for evocative enrichment.

The crass and the refuse,

the carrion of sense we suffer

there is no elevation

or aesthetics.

-

having poor self-confidence and self-esteem

-

-

Give me more

to feel complete

-

No burnt ochre and cobalt hue,

nor vermillion and cerise,

just the mangled corpse of reason

the disgraced and desecrated carcass of sense.

-

doesn't mean you lack great qualities.

-

-

Give me more

to feel unique

-

it means you can't recognise them.

-

Sometimes treachery is nothing but treachery.

To disguise it with flowers and meadows,

with hope and glory, is a travesty.

-

Give me more

though I'm replete

-

Hedonistic alchemists will disagree,

who find beauty in every upturned graven image

and cesspool of human toxicity.

-

Give me more

I love deceit

-

I am versatile—

-

Foolish pain junkies,

searching for the next technicolour interpretative prestige

in the upper echelons of suffer.

-

Give me more

to cover myself

-

Caught me

in its wordy web—

and drew me in.

-

Though we are all art, in our way,

our existence a canvas or parchment,

not all we suffer in,

is destined for greatness.

-

with decadent dreams of Blue plaques in my hometown

Give me more

to forget myself

-

and etches of my words on the side of the Tate London.

-

-

Not all is art.

-

Give me more

wealth not health

-

From one to many other,

pained tortured peddlers (of which I am)

"To suffer

does not art.

To scratch and bleed—

sometimes—

just scars."

*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: Self-explanatory. Feeling a bit directionless at the moment, writing wise. But pleased with this piece of controversial experimental poetry. They are not connected, as this was a concept I was already thinking on it.

I also include myself in the "tortured" and self "tortured artist category, so it is definitely not just others in the firing line.

Comments, as ever, are always welcome (I've noticed a slip in the number in relation to the number of likes/reads, is all). no pressure either way, though!

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