To My Apartment

To my own apartment, I cannot wait to experience the abundant privacy and the luxury of having my own place for solitary peace

where my world is calm and collected without the overwhelming downpour of drama from anyone else, holding the keys to my own world existing as a pocket in this universe in constant movement

To my own apartment, I cannot wait to experience you in its entirety for I'm not entirely naive to believe it's going to be the answer to all of my problems, I know there will be bad days in that world too

When the rain comes, I can always read a book in peace with the curtains open to take in the light illuminating in the grey skies

The hope to have my own place is higher than it's ever been and I'm barely at the beginning of my origin story

Coming after the lesson I've learned a while ago

Nobody has ever gotten to where they are now and who they've become without their origin story

I'd come home to my four legged best friend

Wagging his tail after a long, productive day at work but now have all of this available time to do whatever I want

I can't wait for the day that happens.

I confide in my journal, those endless fantasies of finally sleeping in my own bed instead of the couch I've gotten used to

fantasies of holding the keys to my own world

where I say who's in and who's out.

Maybe one night if I feel adventurous enough, I'd bring home an attractive woman anticipating to enter a new, serious relationship

though who knows how exactly that's going to play out...

High hopes to at least have my own space away from the world I've known and endless amounts of privacy whenever I like

to sleep in a blissful night's peace without conflict.

Something I've wanted for a while since I moved back in with my parents, experiencing discomfort in what is less than ideal,

something that used to work but doesn't now.

The cracks in the foundation I used to depend on, a subtle alarm that is saying "it's time to get things going."

The goal becoming a fully realized dream by the grace of God,

no matter how much the odds might be against me.

It's a newer truth I will see into a reality.

I'm hoping sooner than expected, sooner than it looks, sooner than what it appears to be both in my inner world and my outer.

For now, those echoes of desire becoming louder every time I write about it in my confidant soon to be resting on the marble layer of my desk

in a living room that is now my own.