Through

I used to imagine that I was immune to pain.

That no one could hurt me.

If they even tried, I would make it a game.

“I’ll hurt you first. I get you worse”

Always the same outcome.

The outcome is pain.

The only way out is through.

To expose your wounds, stand in the rain.

Stand firm with the belt of truth.

OVERCOME that pain.

Take up your shield of faith.

That’s all you have to do.

God will do the rest.

At first it hurts less when we live by pride.

Push the pain down, rather than out…

We just live our lives.

But we can’t use it to our advantage when we leave it out of sight.

Now It’s growing, it transforms, and it dims our light.

Pain.

We push.

Pain.

We push it down.

Just layers of hurt that don’t even belong to us.

Then that pain turns to poison, and it alters us.

I reached the bottom a long time ago.

How could a pit so desolate become some full?

So, I had let it be known.

Swallowed my pride,

learned to repent,

hit my knees,

verbalized that I get weak….

That I’ve asked “why”.

That I’ve begged God to let me come Home.

He already knew.

See, His breath is what allows my heart to beat.

The Spirit inside, it KNOWS ME.

He is saying to trust Him with it.

And if ALL that comes with it, my disguise is just a waste of time,

delaying my blessings.

I’m still learning this lesson.

Thank God for Jesus.

I’m STILL learning these lessons.

Expert in infections to the brain.

Adept at spotting joy in the chaos of my struggles.

I have trouble with patience.

I've learned that knowing and understanding aren’t the same things.

I’m still a player of sorts trying to rush my gains.

So, I slip up in the games.

Coach calling my name.

Back on the bench.

There’s still so much to endure.

I was always the conductor of my life.

Now I’m begging for criticism.

I can take a hit still, I’m trying to keep a vibe.

Unless your words are fruitful, I’m not letting your energy inside.

No one is immune to pain.

And to walk directly towards it seems insane.

Though, I can’t imagine anything more agonizing than trying not to feel it.

To try and hide any part of what it is to be alive,

only deprives you of the joy found on the other side of “through”.