Zoned out

My heads spinning

A tornado of thoughts got me trapped in its prison

Been speaking my mind through fine lines.

Fighting to force them into a rhythm

I might write a book. Fine tip for looks yet still hoping that no one will see it.

You think someone would read it?

How you think they’d treat it?

“Airhead” like me.

I got the blues. I’m tryna beat it.

I stopped trying to hide when I saw no one believed it

Now it just flows out and I get that same reaction I didn’t want to happen

What happened?

What’s wrong with me?

The goal was to be free.

I keep mapping out plans just to sit and read, and re read

And FUCK

That’s not me

At least it never used to be

Not with the help of drugs

My doctors been my plug

Fuck I feel so stuck

Pills please…

How will Saygen grow up knowing his mom was such a fuck up

Such a fuck up..

"she's a drunk fuck"

“So damn stuck up"

"Hates her family"

“Just won’t grow up”

My mom’s dead like I'm Bambi. I don't fit in with my family.

It’s all love when I see them but right when we'd leave them temperatures dropped like the change of the season.

Regardless of the reasons, those Statements aren't true.

I just feel distant, different, the black sheep... Boo hoo.

I know I know.

I get it.

It's got.

When comes to the truth, those excuses don't really mean a lot.

"If she stays to herself, she thinks she's better.

And God forbid she gets excited.

Ohhh no.

Big sis won't let her.

Sad? Nah.

Don't let em see you cry.

You hide and you hide and you hide"

But man, as the days go by, I start looking for anything to survive

…… To make me feel alive.

Like I’m not in the twilight zone watching time fly as I beg God to just let me die.