Thoughts

If only you knew the thoughts in my head,

If only you knew to choose them instead.

If only you knew how easy it is to smile

When they say that they’ll rest for a just a little while.

My head is a racetrack.

It can’t seem to go back

To the way it used to be

Back when I was younger, maybe two or three.

I have my expectations.

My duties and obligations.

I move by thought, all too rigidly

That I ultimately forget, to see my humanity.

I speak by my thoughts, though few they may be.

I sometimes sit and wonder, will anyone ever see?

I try to do my best, but every day I crumble.

Yet I am also my worst, and I fall and stumble.

Do you think anyone cares about a girl with a lost mind?

Do you think anyone wants to see her try to be kind?

It’s easy for her to love others, just look at her now.

She is used to the pain, she willingly takes the bow.

Do you wonder what secrets she holds?

You wish you could read her, but deep down she’s sold.

Not too you or anyone else. No that would be too easy.

She sold herself to her Ruler, it is He who makes her feel queasy.

And yet, my Lord, she lives through the pain.

She knew you don’t love her, to her it’s all the same.

But for her mind to despise her, that she cannot have.

For if He leaves her, you would never ever hear another laugh.

As her Ruler, I take care of her well.

I know when she is saddened and when it all hurts like hell.

But do not let me control her. That is a different matter.

For she has me and you, but I wonder if she has always deserved the latter.