this is my brain. this is my brain undressed. any questions?

Right, think I
I shall do another stream of consciousness
But it's harrrrd
it's not just the empty page and all that crap
that's a problem for noobs
It's the act of observing changing the thing being observed
Like,
Did I really think "think l" or did I catch the "I think" nice and quick and add a bit of pretension to make myself seem interesting?
I don't think I did but m aybe it happened in a blink
It's supposed to be unfiltered, am I managing to catch it raw and wriggling and stick it to the page in its unadulterated state?
Like a toddler doing crafts
It's hard to be a toddler
And yet toddlers are so good at it
wild really when you think how little experience they've had
I'm failing already because I'm thinking about thinking
but I wont keep thinking about failing
because that's the trap isn't it
to give room to the I'm not good enough voice inside your head
failing failing failing
my thats a word that echoes
shut up!
failing because I can't write fast enough
and l think some of the little blighters are getting away.
Little silvery thought fishes.
Toddler catching them and sticking them to a page, lots of gloopy glue to peel off hands after
Beautiful flashes escaping chubby fingers
Are they spawning
There's loads of them
can't possibly get all of them
(I did it again I know I did, I thought "catch them all" but I changed it because of pokemon)
failing
but no it's ok because I admitted it
(absolved but not penitent)
so you still get the stream, it just has a rock in it look see bump whoops and away we go moving on fishing for slithery shiny thoughts
not compliments no never (please read it, like it, leave a comment, please... oh look the little fishes become bait, how neat)
The common lesser spotted freshwater blighter.
Wait. Do I have salty thoughts?
Wait. is lesser spotted for birds? Fits. (flits.) Even harder to catch. Common-or-garden, two a penny. Not slippery though. Need to be slippery and nude.
oh boy
I say never so naked as I am on a page, but this stream of consciousness is even nakeder
knowing someone will read it,
oh my
The only way to do it then is to peel off my clothes layer by layer.
I know you're watching and I don't mind. I am bold.
But it can't be like a striptease, oh no.
Nothing so on purpose. deliberate. choreographed.
And not just because I can't dance.
tear my togs off then.
defiant even, roaring maybe.
RAHHHH
See: I'm naked and I don't care
this is NOT for your gaze
well it is and it isn't
bit of both really
arg
need to stop thinking about thinking and just do the thinking
but
if the thinking about thinking follows naturally then it's okay right? it's part of the natural stream. glad to have cleared that up
but maybe I shouldn't have because I'll get stuck down that rabbit hole. pit of despair, or pit of something less sad. a dead end. cul de sac of thoughts. thought de sac.
Uh oh. am I allowed to do a u-turn?
I'm doing it. Reverse. Rev engine. Wheels spin. Getting out of here. I don't like this neighbourhood. Too shady.
Reboot. Rollback. (water cant flowwww backwards shut up I'm going where the fishes are)
Rewind urrrrr eeeeeeeeEEEE
Clothes. That's it. Clothes off. Rip them off. But not in a sexy hurry. more like plaster off quick. Shed my threads. shred my threads. Can't put them back on if they're shredded.
can't put this gooey soft little shrimp back in its shell.
Here, have this vulnerable little bit of my brain. Freshly shelled. Brain prawn, brain pawn, brain porn. Very naked, a little bit vulgar, don't read this to your granny, expose what's normally hidden, all angles, ghastly close up.
(I did it again, I deleted "spread the brain hole". That's a lie, it was my not the. This isn't winning any (fucking) challenges.) Got to milk that teat, exploit those bared udders. make some cash, get seen, kerchinggg uhh uhh uhh, pretend you like it, ha very apt, still not sexy definitely not sexy, poor little shellfish. shelled, unshelled. poke poke... this is worse.
if we write long enough, does it always end with sex or death?
should have stayed in that comfortable little thought de sac. neat. respectable. safe. probably.
could have bought a house there.
What's the real estate like?
cheap probably
thoughts are cheap. often rude. even "sac" sounds rude.
(ha trick question. if you write long enough it would definitely end in death.)