This body.

This Body.

This picture.

It’s one of my favourites of myself.

I mean look!

The beach,

the bikini

& the body.

I was in my 20’s.

Young, wild & free.

I was in Mexico living life to the fullest.

Taking every opportunity to laugh.

Living the adventure of a lifetime

Right?

REWIND

This picture.

It really is one of my favourites of myself.  

I mean look!

The beach,

the bikini

& the body?

I was in mexico &

had just underwent a major hospital stay

because of my anorexia.

i didn’t know who i was

or if i’d even be alive  

the next day at this point.

i look happy?

i wasn’t laughing in that photo…

i was crying out for help.

someone notice that i’m in pain.

months after this picture i was

put into inpatient care

& continued to lose weight.

REALITY CHECK

This picture.  

It’s one of my favourites of myself.

I mean look!

The beach,  

the bikini,

the body.

yes it’s all there.

yes both stories are true.

but it’s one of my favourites;

really, because,

look how far i’ve come!

i needed to deny myself a basic right

because i felt i was unworthy,  

and not to say that to this day i don’t

feel unworthy from time to time…

but you know…

there’s a difference between

suffering and suffering while hangry…

i’m proud of that girl in that photo for

fighting for the woman that that i am today.

for painstakingly getting through those meals.

those snacks.

those difficulties.

that suffering.

& here i proudly sit today

maybe not looking like that girl anymore.

but my smile genuine that’s for darn sure.