secrets.

i mean there is a lot i cannot say.

there are some secrets too deep…

i could not dare speak them out loud.

i would not chance mulling it over in my head.

& i should not especially blurt on the internet.

that’s for sure…

yet here i sit.

typing here.

pondering my deepest secrets.

imagining worst case scenarios.

and again thinking…

there’s a lot i cannot say.

i’m trapped!!

is my first instinct.

but remember that i’ve been gifted;

with the ability to write words in a way that

articulates my pain into pain english.

that’s it i’m free.

free without details to express

the pain that these secrets make me feel.

the things that if people only knew

the depth of my pain and true suffering. .

they’d weep alongside me.

things that only i know that i cling so damn hard

onto my insides want to explode.

do you know what i’m talking about?

or is it only me here?

the things i cannot say

they eat away at me.

they wiggle their way into the deep parts of my soul;

my being.

they make me feel flawed.

give me the impression that i’m unwanted

they haunt me in the night.

they terrorize me in the day.

but that’s beside the point.

i’m not here to whine about my life.

or to say that i have it harder than anyone else.

i’m here trying to articulate my pain

so that in return one person

may resonate with the words written here

and then have the ability themselves

to speak of their pain

of their secrets.