on my first day
my therapist told me
to open my heart
so i closed it shut
and locked it away
and threw away the key
and she caught it
right in the middle of her palm
without me ever noticing
my therapist told me
to accept one thing—
that our pasts are a part of us
we carry them on our backs
and let them weigh us down
and even when dreams lift us up
it will be with the pressure
of our fears and sins
i cried
until my eyes burned
with the force of it
my therapist told me
there is beauty in the abstract
and the fearsome
and in the ugliness of our walls
there are crevices so smooth
to the touch, like
blissful sweeping velvet
against her fingers
my therapist
is fucking crazy
isn’t she?
my therapist asked me
when i started to see myself
the way a bully would
and i did not have an answer
to grant her
my therapist played
clarinet, drums, trumpet, and trombone
in her high school band
i don’t remember
when she told me that
but i do know it’s true
my therapist asked me
why i fear the truth
i responded in turn
“i can’t handle the truth”
sure you can, she replied
i’ll help you
once, my therapist told me
it was okay
to take a moment
and breathe
and i felt like
i was given permission to feel
to let my pounding heart rest
to allow my mind to stop
its continual torture, if only for a moment
and i felt alive
and okay
for the first time
in a long time
my therapist once told me
that redemption was possible
and that anything was possible
for me
i laughed at my screen
with the power of my thoughts
and of my hatred
yet now
i wonder
i do wonder
About the Creator
angela hepworth
Hello! I’m Angela and I enjoy writing fiction, poetry, reviews, and more. I delve into the dark, the sad, the silly, the sexy, and the stupid. Come check me out!
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Comments (10)
you are one of the best writers i must confess, you filled with talents well done
Okay, I don’t know if you know that you just created a masterpiece here. What planet are you on, it can’t be planet earth because how do you come up with a poem like this? Sure the therapist might’ve helped here or there, but… ‘my therapist asked me when I started to see myself the way a bully would’ this was an entire break through line, enough to make anyone stop in their tracks and learn the truth. We are bullies of ourselves, but we trust ourselves so much that we are blind to it, and you’ve just given us the key to release us from it. You’ve done a huge thing with this poem and I hope you can see it. Even if it came from a therapist, you saw it fit to share it with the world.
Very intimate.
As I was reading this, I thought about an opening of a movie with your poem being narrated as the story begins.... so good!
A powerful tribute to a zany but insightful healer!
Sometimes I feel that therapists are highly delulu, including mine. Next I meet her, I'm gonna ask her "Are you aware that you're delulu? You need help". Lol. Loved your poem!
Oof. There’s so much I want to say but I can’t even put it into words - but this was painful and brilliant and everything in between.
Goodness this was a hard pill to swallow. So raw but wonderfully written.
😭😭😭 whoa!!!! This one was a tough one to read. “When I started to see myself the way a bully would”…. This took me out
Truth is hard, and harder to deal with when forced to face it. Hard hitting, Angela.