the theory of time travel

yes, life is caught between rising & falling,

but i do not yearn for childhood—its infinite grief,

paired with sweet leisure & faded desire, once buried

the pool of dreams lapping at my twenty-something

soles. now, i needn’t search it out; i know where it lies,

forever fixed at my feet, my private ocean of wonder—

*

no, it is not wrong to miss time. but look—look

at me: wrinkles sprout like weeds, but i've no want

to pluck them. my fingers are calloused, my palms

have texture. i’ve spent such a long time loving, i can

fill my house ten times over with the friends i've made

& lost, the family i've carried only to leave behind—

*

yes, i look over my shoulder. i count my steps as clumsily

as i count the missed opportunities indented into

my spine. i also ache; i ache in every spare second

taking note of sunlight captured, reflected & stretched

by a glass prism across my dingy dinner table. i cannot

count the meals i've had here yet each one was important—

*

no, i am not without regrets. but i am also the cool

breath of a freshly shed summer storm, its tension unwound.

i am the sky as it sighs, free to breathe again

before the next hurricane. it’s not easy to be dark

& stormy, but i must stop pulling metaphors out of water.

but water is truthful, as solid as the passage of time—

*

yes, i am guaranteed pain, but given half the chance,

i would repeat every day i cried. in many ways, i already

have: wake, eat. rinse the plates in the kitchen sink.

lie down & weep with my friends behind a computer screen.

recoil at the thought of an unknowable future, but it's assured,

isn't it? my destiny hangs heavily, near-ripe on its tree—

*

no, i will not reach out & grab it. i’m not ready yet.

instead, i shall sit here with the birds & wait for the fruit

to drop. then, i shall slice my life into equal parts because what

is life without the succulent taste of happiness shared? yes,

i know the juice will sour, the pulp may brown—but i promise you:

as we eat, we will have no thought of time.