The Pole Dancer

The Pole Dancer

She said it’s a sport, and I laughed in my tea

Till she showed me a spin and the lamp hit my knee

She climbed like a squirrel, all muscle and sass

Then flipped upside down with the strength of a gas

I gave it a go, in my dressing gown

Grabbed onto the pole and slid right down

Landed in splits I’ve not done since school

My cat looked impressed, or maybe just cruel

I tried once again with a little more grip

Wrapped round the pole like a churro with zip

My slippers flew off, the radio cracked

Next thing I knew, the curtain had snapped

But I didn’t give in, not this bold bird

I mastered a twirl that startled the herd

(Well, the cows on the telly, at least one gave a moo)

I’d never been prouder of what legs can do

Now neighbours peek in and applaud from the gate

My moves are a mix of surprise and pure fate

The postman once dropped all his letters in shock

As I shimmied outside with one leg on the clock

So next time you laugh at a dancer with flair

Just picture me spinning, with curlers and care

A whirl of delight, with bruises in bloom

Owning my lounge like it’s Vegas in June