The Man Who Awaits Death

I've always been alone.

Every day I go out to sea on a small flimsy boat, just on the verge of breaking apart.

I've decided that if it breaks it breaks, if I die then I die.

I'm not afraid of death, not one bit.

Today I went out to sea, vast bodies of blue water, not a single thing in sight.

I could feel the wood boards of the boat breaking underneath my feet

The wood panels slowly crack and break

The horizon greets the sea as the sun shines across the ocean sparkling the water around me

I am ready to accept death

The ocean is such a nice place for me to lie my body to rest, that is what I have decided

But wait

There is something I wanted to do.

There is something that I want to do

But I can't quite remember what it is.

Maybe I don't want to be enveloped by the waves of the sea yet

My loneliness has kept me sane but my loneliness has kept me tied down to a boat all my life

And now this is all I have left

This is all that is left

Am I just realizing this now?

I wish that there was someone I could have said goodbye too

I wish that I could have made many memories

Ones to keep dear in my hear, ones others would keep dear in their hearts

Ones filled with sorrow and heartbreak, others filled with the joy of being alive

Life has been so uncomfortable to live but now I'm not sure if I want to die

I've never been afraid of death

But now I am afraid

I never wanted to die on my own

I wanted to watch the Earth end with someone I hold dear instead

It's hard to tell if I can hear my heart cracking in my ears or if it's just the sound of the waves crashing against my deteriorating boat

I wish that someone would come to save me

The world is not ending but my soul is breaking

Nobody is coming for me and nobody is waiting for me

I have nothing to look forward to and nothing to look back on

Some people say that before you die your life flashes before your eyes

There is no life that I have lived to flash before them

I wish I could've had a special place in someone's heart

I wish someone would hear the news of my death and be absolutely soul crushed

Maybe it's for the best for an old grumpy man to die alone

But I know now this is not the life I wanted to live at all

I know now that the next wave is coming, and then I'll be gone for good

I know that no one will be waiting for me

The next wave is coming, and the end is arriving

What can I do?

There is nothing to do now except reminisce on the things that could have been, what I could have done

Did I mess it up?

Oh

I see now

I did indeed

The one life I had to live is being taken away from me and there is nothing I can do now

I begin to sink, down into the depths below of the dark blue ocean

The sun begins to fade away into a distant light I desperately grasp for

I have nothing to grab onto as the sun fades completely and the water that was once blue fades into a dark abyss

This is it

This is the end for a man who had no significance in the world and not a place in anyone's heart

This is the end for a man who will not be remembered by anyone at all

This is the end for a man who will not have a gravestone surrounded by flowers but a dead body slowly floating in the blue waters

This is the end for me.

I'll do everything tomorrow.

Oh

There is no tomorrow

This was my one chance

And I missed it

I am going to be asleep for a long while

I wish that I