Backtrack

Unable to find

the solutions for all that I’m

lacking,

obtaining lactic acid from flailing,

complaining drastic

surroundings designed in plastic

and slowly,

by now,

starting to melt

you see through me but

have never known how I’ve felt

haven’t seen the worlds I’ve dreamt

where the rain’s no longer wet

and going out is no longer

an anxious event.

If I could, I’d prevent every step that brought me here,

I’d erase the past

and haphazardly dissolve

every future,

leaving no footprints, no suggestions,

no hints

and evolving into vapour, disappearing

between fragments

back, back

back into nothing,

the atoms too far apart

to pull back together,

the soup cold and grey,

the sludge

torn away.

I once saw my missing father

in the reflections of my cracking mirror,

but nowadays

all I see

is something I can’t recognise,

something hideous

and hollow,

my own bitterness

tougher to swallow.

Find a body in the dark,

found a body in the dark,

writhing towards freedom,

what if the next life

is just a repetition?