The Fourth of July

Do you also get sad on holidays?

Or is it just me feeling too sentimental?

Sometimes, I’m angry that I care so much

And that I feel so goddamn alone.

Or maybe I am just really fucking angry,

And holidays finally let me celebrate that fact.

Maybe I am feeling too much,

Or the rest of the world isn’t feeling enough.

Maybe I could try to like an obscure one.

Does anyone even care about Arbor Day?

You’re setting off fireworks somewhere,

And yet here I am, the one fuming alone.

You’re carving a pumpkin,

While I’m having nightmares.

I’m wearing my ugly Christmas sweater

And posing alone by the tree.

You are kissing someone else at midnight,

While my tears ring in the new year with me.

Maybe it’s not the holidays that I hate.

Maybe it’s just something within me.

How can one person be this lonely?

I circle the numbers on my calendar.

A big red flag on each date.

Valentine’s to remind me I’m ugly.

St Patrick’s Day here to tell me I’m unlucky,

It’s fate.

Somewhere in there, it’s your birthday.

A day I have never quite known how to celebrate.

Did you make it our anniversary out of convenience?

Or was it just to make it all about you?

Was I ever even a part of this relationship?

Maybe that’s just another thing I was left out of, too.

Do you also get sad on holidays?

Or is that just me,

too.