The First Year

Back then

Though my arms ached with exhaustion

And the emptiness of my vacated abdomen

Tenderly pulled the hollowness of itself together

Back together

With raw and newfound strength

I would lift you to me

Wriggling, yearning, crying

Placing you on my chest,

The only place you could find your peace

You would drift then and disappear

The weight of you dissolving

Through my heart

Until we were deeply united once more

Back then

I would have to place my hand gently on your back

Smell the small creases of your neck

Wipe my tears from the fragile hairs

On the top of your head

Just to make sure you were real

Now

I can feel the weight of you

When you sleep on my shoulder

Too tall and grown to nestle back into

The cove of my heart

The solid reassurance of you

Like the end of a deep exhale

Makes my throat tighten and my heart burst with

A delightful and sorrowful joy

Now

I stand

Gravity threatening to pull you out of my arms with

Each passing day

In turn it strengthens me too

Rooting me deeper into the earth

As we rock back and forth, back and forth

Perhaps preparing me for the strength I will need

One day

To stay grounded as I watch you take your flight

Into this world

I can’t help but hold you for just

One moment longer

Knowing this

And so I do

I love you and I miss you all at once

To be your mother is to both glow with pride

and shimmer with grief

But oh, my darling, how you make me shine