the best is yet to come,

why did I leave warmth for winter?

I never could explain,

then.

.

why did I leave your love for an old flame?

did it seem to you,

insane?

.

flame to fire had always been

my particular speciality,

it seems.

.

i was drowning in our lies,

equally weighted, arguably

fated

.

pain overtook the feeling of rush,

containment within was filled

to burst

.

i booked a flight hastily fast,

and boarded myself on a plane

to the past

.

and over centuries of years

I battled every single age old fear,

alone.

.

broken down and built back up,

drinking mistakes from every poisoned,

tainted cup

.

long past the port of having enough,

still tortured by memories

of our rush

.

believing I had made such a mistake,

exchanging my whole heart in this

one way trade

.

but there are no mistakes when love is true,

and that’s exactly what I had

for you

.

but from that foundation grew,

something far more deep and true

within

.

beyond a hurricaine of tears a rainbow appeared

boasting brand new colours and banishing

fear

.

colours which lead me through endless dark nights,

colours which inspired hope

to fight

.

colours that few have ever before seen,

colours that helped me to remain

unseen

.

cloaking me in protective layers

gifting me time to find righteous

prayer

.

perhaps I’ll never know your warmth again,

perhaps you were just a chapter I needed

back then.

.

perhaps your compassion will remain so broken

perhaps you will never offer yourself truly

open

.

perhaps you were just a temporary hold,

before the waters carried me on, with worse

to unfold

.

perhaps you were just a safe place to dock

a place to refuel, a place to

restock

.

perhaps you were just a fleeting calm,

a safe pause in oceans of century-long

storms

.

perhaps you were never truly meant for me,

“perhaps” is word I can finally say

with ease.

.

perhaps you never were the one,

and perhaps the best is truly

yet to come

.