The Beginnings

First

She was my coworker

Then

my roommate

my friend

my good friend

my close friend

my teacher of my spiritual path

my best friend

my lover

my partner

then to the world

my sister

people even saw

our physical likeness

which there wasn’t one

you never saw

one without the other

and if you did

you knew

something was wrong

were nicknamed

the twins of terror

by some

I miss her

I hate her

I am pissed at her

I am happy for her

I feel like

Still

Half of me

Is gone

Forever

Something I never

Can get back

A hole in my soul

That is permanent

I used to have

A reason to fight

A passion to keep

Life going

I don’t feel that

Fight

Or passion

Much more

I don’t feel the strength

Within me

That others seem to

Think I still have

I feel weak

Like a child

Lost in a crowd

And no one is there

Trying to find me

I blend in

Internally screaming

Crying

And can’t express it

To anyone

Truly

Because

I never want to burden

Another

So I burden myself

With all these emotions

Walled up within me

Afraid

To release them

Because of what

The fallout

Might be

Since I have no shelter

Of someone’s arms

To take refuge

Anymore….