What I have to tell myself...
I close my eyes
breath in
the pain
the loss
the loneliness.
You were always here
until you weren't.
It happened so gradually
yet it was quick to me
my lips on your lips
on your back
on your legs
simits on the ferry
cay in the little cafe,
then you were gone.
I still wear the jewelry
you gave to me.
I tell myself that you
still love me, but are busy.
For now that's how it must be.
I'm working on being more
self reliant.
On being my own best friend.
Nothing takes the place
of you --- but you have been gone
a while now, haven't you?
I would have stayed with you
----forever----
but for you I wasn't worth
the effort.
the energy.
And that's OK.
I'll always love you, forever.
But I have to stop waiting.
Waiting for something,
someone that will never show up.
Everyday I pray God will give me
strength to move forward.
To love me
as much as I've loved you.
