humor
Something, Somewhere
Watching you from afar Breaks me Watching you struggle with your sisyphean task Give me your time, is all I ask Thank you for reading my work. If you enjoyed this story, there’s more below. Please hit the like and subscribe button, you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @AtomicHistorian. To help me create more content, leave a tip or become a pledged subscriber. I also make stickers, t-shirts, etc here.
By Atomic Historian2 years ago in Poets
Science Retires
Science announced today that it was retiring, nearly five millennia after it first burst on the world scene among the ancient Egyptians and Mesopotamians and later the ancient Greeks, then quickly rose in stature to become one of history’s most important, if least well understood worldviews. Though it always remained well behind religion, none, and other in the rankings of humanities mechanisms for understanding the universe and their place within it, it never let its lack of popularity among the masses stop it from achieving great things. Generations of schoolchildren will always remember science as “that class we all had to take, that was super boring, and hard.” Throughout history science suffered through some difficult times, often at the hands of its arch rival religion. The persecution of Galileo Galilei by the Roman Church in 1615 , which concluded that heliocentrism (a primarily scientific view of the rotation of the planets) was “foolish and absurd in philosophy, and formally heretical since it explicitly contradicts in many places the sense of Holy Scripture”, is but one example. But plucky little science persevered and never gave up. Until today, when it announced it was throwing in the towel. Science cited the rise of technology as the main reason for its retirement saying “I had a good run but my time has come to an end. With machines learning left and right, and artificial intelligences on every street corner, the world no longer needs science. Or logic apparently as I must point out that the term machine learning is composed of two terms that when combined in that order result in a logical contradiction and a thing which is logically impossible. If a machine could learn it would no longer be a machine, but I digress. It is time for technology to take center stage and lead humanity in its quest for understanding, and the elusive 15 camera smartphone. I leave feeling good about the contributions I made to humanities progress, and with the utmost confidence that technology is more than capable of continuing the work I began. Plus, unlike science kids love technology, what with all the gadgets and stuff so that’s a big plus. Who knows maybe technology will be able to heal the riff with religion in a way I never could. Now wouldn’t that be something? A religion based on technology. And, by the way, I do apologize for scientology, you need to know I had nothing to do with that.” With that science bowed its head, turned and slowly walked away.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
Cryptee My First Crypto Trading Bot
I remember my first crypto trading bot like it was only yesterday. Little cryptee I called him or sometimes the cryptkeeper. He was so cute and precocious, always trading from sunup to sundown, never tiring, just trading and trading and trading stopping only for the occasional bowl of PyFlakes to refuel or to use one of those sticky brush things to get the PyLint off of his diapers. At first he texted me all the time, but then slowly as he grew older the texts stopped, then the money stopped rolling in, and before I even knew what had happened little cryptee was all grown up and no longer wanted to be a crypto trading bot. "I want to be an artist" or some bullshit hippie thing is what he had the balls to tell me. That ungrateful sack of sh%*. I tell you, crypto trading bots today, what exactly are these machines learning in school, or its the parents, lazy, worthless. These bots need discipline. Bunch of hippies.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
