SUNNY ON A CLOUDY DAY

There are dark days,

In life, that just may,

Seem to cloudy for,

Any light to break through,

And help people to see.

There are dark moments in life,

Where the suffering that,

Occurred is just to painful,

For people to forget or,

Even talk about.

Although she knows this,

She just can’t wait any longer.

She knows that she has to,

Bring her sons out into the,

Open, and pour her heart,

Out to them.

Although She believes that,

She has only one shot to,

Finally make amends with,

Her sons, she takes a deep,

Breath, looks up and gazes,

For a moment, as if trying to,

Gain strength from a sun,

That just isn’t there.

And so, she begins to say,

“Oh, my dear sons, there’s,

Nothing more that I want,

Than to hold you both as,

Tight as I can, just so that,

You could feel how sorry I am.

But I know that is not enough,

Especially not for you,

My baby boy.

I know that my words, right now,

May not reach deep enough to,

Push aside and replace the,

Horrid things I used to say or do,

To you, especially to you,

My baby boy.

Please believe me when I say,

That I’d do anything to undo,

The past. I'd even go back to,

One of the times, when I was in,

So deep, and just swim down,

If it meant you'd grow up to be,

Much happier than you are now,

Without me. Especially you,

My baby boy.

But as hard as I wish for that,

I know that just isn’t possible.

But I know with all of my heart,

That all is not lost between us,

My sons, especially between you,

And me, my baby boy.

I know this because I look back,

To where we started, and the fact,

We're alive is nothing more than,

A miracle. We've made it to this,

Point in life together. That has,

To stand for something.”

Upon saying her piece,

A great silence befalls,

The three of them. And so,

Not knowing what to do,

But also, not wanting to,

Disturb this brief moment of,

Peace, she simply stands still,

As tears fall from her eyes.

Feeling lost and weary, she,

Becomes startled by an,

Unexpected grab of her hand.

Her oldest son has heard her,

Piece and has made peace with it.

He wraps his arms around her,

And holds her as tight as he can,

And says, “I forgive you mom,

And I love you.”

Although this brings her great joy,

She knows that all is still not right,

As her baby boy has yet to speak,

And say his piece or make peace,

With her.

Standing a few feet from her and,

The oldest, he simply stands there,

Looking toward the calm river.

Suddenly, her baby boy begins,

To walk slowly toward the river.

Not knowing what to do,

But also, not wanting to,

Disturb this brief moment of,

Peace, she and the oldest,

Simply follow behind him.

Nearing the edge, he comes to a,

Stop, and so she and her oldest,

Also stop just a few feet behind.

She patiently waits for her baby boy,

But knows all too well that his piece,

For her is full of unimaginable pain,

And that making peace with her may,

Very well be the most difficult thing,

He's done or will ever do.

Suddenly, she notices him take a deep,

Breath, look up and gaze for a moment,

As if trying to gain strength from a sun,

That just isn’t there.

And so, he begins to say,

“I never asked to be a part of the game,

You and Pops were playing with us.

I never wanted to be able to take as,

Much pain as I am able to take.

I never wished to be able to hold back,

All of the tears that I’ve held back.

I never hoped that I’d become his,

Favorite son. But you guys never,

Really gave me much of a choice,

Did you?”

Taking a pause from saying his piece,

His lips begin to quiver and she,

Takes notice. Wanting to comfort him,

She moves toward him but he steps,

Back fast and sternly says, “No”.

Not knowing what to do,

But also, not wanting to push,

Her baby boy farther than he,

Already is, she simply stands still,

And watches as he takes a deep,

Breath, looks up and gazes for a moment,

As if trying to gain strength from a sun,

That just isn’t there.

As tears fall from his eyes,

He continues, “I only did what I thought,

Was best to do to avoid more pain.

I used to fucking hate Pops so much!

Watching Pops hurt you and my brother,

The way he did and being powerless,

To stop him but at last, I thought I had it,

Figured out. I'd make myself strong,

Enough to take the worst Pops had to,

Dish out. I hoped that I'd take it all,

And that he'd become so tired that,

He had nothing left to take out on,

You guys. How was I suppose to,

Know just how twisted Pops was,

That he'd come to admire just how,

Much pain I could take and claim,

Me as his favorite son?

But despite that, I still hated him,

And wanted nothing more than to,

One day be strong enough to put,

A great hurting on him.

But then the day came when you,

Betrayed me.

The day came when you left me,

All alone.

The day came when you protected,

Only him from Pops.

The day came when you started to,

Beat me so hard, just to see if you,

Could get the tears out of me.

There were days when you wouldn’t,

Even smile once at me.

And what's even more shocking,

There were days when you inflicted,

More and worse pain on me than,

Even Pops did!”

Taking a pause from saying his piece,

His body begins to quiver,

And he struggles trying to regain,

His composure.

She and his older brother want,

Nothing more than to reach out,

And hold him as tight as they can,

Just to let him know that he is no,

Longer alone and that it is safe,

For him to let go of all the pain he,

Has been holding back.

Not knowing what to do,

But also, not wanting to push,

Him farther than he already is,

They simply stand still and watch,

As he takes a deep breath, looks up,

And gazes for a moment, as if trying,

To gain strength from the sliver of,

Light breaking through the dark,

And cloudy sky.

Still crying, he struggles to continue,

But manages to say, “I'm sorry mom.

I'm sorry bro. I'm so sorry! I'm sorry,

For being able to take as much pain,

As I can. I'm sorry for being able to,

Hold back as much tears as I have.

I'm sorry for becoming his favorite son.

I'm sorry for anything I might've,

Done to cause you to hate me.

I'm sorry mom, for whatever I did to,

Cause you to want to hurt me.

I only did what I thought was best,

To protect you both.”

Succumbing to the pain and,

Becoming weary from the waterfall,

Of tears he is finally letting go of,

Her baby boy falls to his knees.

Knowing what to do, so that he,

Doesn’t fall further than he has,

She and his older brother kneel,

Beside him, reach out, and begin,

To hold him as tight as they can.

Although she knows that nothing,

Can be done to push aside or erase,

All of the horrid things her baby boy,

Has experienced, she remains hopeful,

That having finally said his piece,

Her baby boy can finally have peace.

A few minutes have passed by as,

The three of them are now just sitting,

On the grass in peaceful silence.

Suddenly, something grabs their attention.

Standing up, the three of them look up,

And simply watch. They take a deep breath,

And gaze a little longer, as if trying,

To gain strength from the bright,

Light of the sun that now illuminates,

Their path home.