Drowning in a sea of discontent.
I wonder sometimes, what kind of courage it would take to run away. To start over.
Not like an angry child, who isn't getting their way.
But an honest, deep need and desire to disconnect from things that just aren't working.
I have found myself stuck on auto, simply, going through the motions. Is it because it's what is expected, or that's how it's always been done? I don't know the answer.
Every day: I go to sleep, (which rarely is restful) get up, go to work, go through the routines and then continue to repeat the same steps again the next day, and the next, and the next.
Feeling no real interaction or connection, just completing the necessary process to get to the next day.
Where is the life in living like that? What has become of joy?
The idea of a new town, a new job, and new faces - beginning brand new, with a clean slate, sounds appealing.
But I wonder, would I continue to be the same?
Would I fall into the same old ruts and routines, crawling shamed, back to what was familiar? Would I miss the old routine, or would I thrive and come back to life?
What scares me more than being alone is the thought that I could disappear, and no-one would even notice.
Being invisible and/or disposable, is one the hardest truths to consider.
What if it's me?
Am I the only one feeling this way?
It's terrifying to think that this, is all there is.
No deep love or devotion, no real connection or satisfaction. Just surviving.
Anyone else feel this way?
About the Creator
Kelli Sheckler-Amsden
Telling stories my heart needs to tell <3 life is a journey, not a competition
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More stories from Kelli Sheckler-Amsden and writers in Poets and other communities.
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If I were asked to remark on my life and the childhood that paved some road leading me to this point, I would have to say something about all the funny people who surrounded me for the last 26,872 days (and counting). Somewhere along that road, I became a big fan of laughter and the comedy that spawns it – and, I mean not only my own laughter, but the laughter of others, some of which I have actually been responsible for inducing.
By John Oliver Smith7 days ago in Humor
Comments (1)
"What scares me more than being alone is the thought that I could disappear, and no-one would even notice." I used to feel that way. Now I find the thought somewhat comforting, to slink off like a wild cat & expire where no one can find me. Somehow to me it feels right. Which is not to say that's how I want to live. I howl against the isolation, am jealous of the attention others receive, & desperately long to be loved/held. My question for you, Kelli, is, "I understand how completely you prize your independence & don't feel the need for anyone else in your life, but isn't there some way you can find room for both?" I know, I'm meddling again, sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. Maybe I should have been born a Yenta, lol. BTW, days can seem pretty mundane around here, too. But I wake up knowing each day that I get to read the work of some amazing writers like yourself. And somehow, I find myself lifted up. Thank you for that, Kelli. Blessings to you & for you in all that you do.