3:33 in the morning
Another restless night
Mindless Scrolling through my head
This marching voice
STOP ASIAN HATE!
STOP ASIAN HATE!
Stop asian hate.
but I can’t even stop hating myself
Of the parts of me I despise
the surface is the last to get to
confused conflicted
Distorted reality
uncertain identity
Chinese school
soccer team
teacher’s pet
jumping from one circle to another
begging to be acknowledged
to be seen, accepted
but never doing that for myself.
the intergenerational trauma
I feel in my bones
the scars from customs
I never grew accustomed to
stunting my growth
Keeping me childish
but fighting for innocence
Grateful for this cognizance
but what the FUCK do I do with awareness?
...Part of my crisis.
I want to do so much
to guide the next generation
Chinese kids born
into a country of complacency
the avatar of lineage
who just want to spread their wings
before they’re clipped
claimed for corporate
falling into line
marching madness
mechanical malleable
manageable monolith
model minority.
Am I talking about it enough?
posting enough?
caring enough
angry enough
sharing enough
am I fighting enough?
donating enough?
acknowledging the victims enough?
Why am I so selfish...
to make this about me ?
could I have done more to prevent this?
how did I contribute to this?
brushing aside the aggressions macro micro
the complacency, laughing along
begging to be accepted
taking out my anger on my own people
Jokes about bad driving, small dick,
smaller eyes -normalized
scrutinized and trivialized
racialized and victimized.
This hatred for myself
Jagged judgments
one piece of the puzzle
Asian identity
mosaic human condition
A drop in the pool of persistence
keep swimming into LOVE
my inner child
Ninja turtle floaties
Pool noodle fights
the young boy
who needs nurturing
The dawn of days
Mending yester years’ memories
magical imperfections embraced.
3:34 AM
Releasing the Protest pen
the painted signs
exhausted from responding
Invigorated by purpose
together
we stop Asian Hate.
STOP ASIAN HATE!
STOP ASIAN HATE!
Stop Asian hate...
this is how I contribute
this step will acknowledge
...the inner child
of the reticent
Drifting in desperation
angry they can’t do more
but we’re still here
and that’s ...enough.
About the Creator
Anto Chan
Performance artist in Poetry, Comedy & Storytelling. I produce and MC events in Canada empowering BIPOC artists to break the cycles of trauma through personal expression!
Released my chapbook "Love So Far: Romantic Reflections" in 2020
Getting Serious About Comedy (Part I)
If I were asked to remark on my life and the childhood that paved some road leading me to this point, I would have to say something about all the funny people who surrounded me for the last 26,872 days (and counting). Somewhere along that road, I became a big fan of laughter and the comedy that spawns it – and, I mean not only my own laughter, but the laughter of others, some of which I have actually been responsible for inducing.
By John Oliver Smith7 days ago in Humor
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