Sounds of Silence

The phone rings like sleigh bells ring,

the sound is deafening in the silence.

The silence of medication and quietness

My mind is quiet. It is empty in here now.

This is what everyone around me seems

to always want for me. Just realty.

No magic, no hope, no imagining better days.

Just silence. Deafening silence as the pills

do their job and still my hallucinations.

It should be better this way... or so they say.

Only my shadows are only as loud as those

around me... those who break and tear...

those who don't follow the rules...

those who are supposed to be there for me...

They are the professionals after all.

But no, it is what they want. Not about me.

They need me to remember.

They need me to cooperate.

They need me to stay in line.

They need me to understand that when

they lie, it's for my own well being and

how dare I put them into this position?!

I need to understand boundaries.

I need to think about what is best for them.

What happened to me?

I am just a case number.

I am just a face that you have to deal with.

I am... who? Nobody.

I stepped out of the shadows.

I tried your reality.

I tried being the girl you wanted me to be.

I hated every second of it.

I want to just be me.

I need to just be me.

You had problems with me being invisible.

I had problems with not being invisible.

Aurora was the perfect compromise.

Only you don't want compromises...

you want control - your way or the highway.

And my response is the highway...

always has been and then, that is wrong too

because without the stabilization, I might break.

I might become dangerous.

I don't want caged...

If you are so worried about me

getting hurt, maybe you should

go look in a mirror. Ask what you

gave my shadows to use as weapons?

You may not have gutted me.

It would have been easier to heal if you had.

Just a handful of stitches and bandages.

Instead you stole my dignity.

You destroyed my trust.

You stomped on my rights.

You betrayed my love.

And that... somehow... is my fault.