Somewhere Between Here And There...

Sometimes I welcome death and sometimes I run from it and try to hide

There's this feeling I get deep down inside

My life is filled with Grey skies and Hazy Days

The chaos all around me penetrates through the walls of my mind

Thoughts bombard me as they come rushing in like the waters from a tsunami

I ask God Why… With dark thoughts entering my head

I'd rather Die… I say FU Satan

I'm stronger than that... I'll make it through some how I always do

But this time I'm not so sure... I have nothing to fall back on

I've been walking this tight rope for the last 4 years

I wake up every day with aches and pain running throughout my body

My mind a mess with all the uncertainty and added stress

With every corner I turn tragedy strikes

I feel my heart clench

I feel my soul sink as tears start to roll down my face

I'm at my last 2500 dollars in fear of losing my home

Yet every day I'm greeted by others telling me I'm blessed

You woke up today as if that should be enough

I guess that's easier to swallow when things aren't falling apart all around you

I pray to the Creator he helps me through all this mess

Cause in all honesty I know right now all the hope in the world is not enough

The tears begin to stream faster as I break down again and cry

Telling myself pull yourself together

I muster up a little bit of hope inside but quickly it's extinguished by Reality's lies

You aren't the same woman you once were

An individual that could do anything they put their mind to

Even when I think of how to get myself out of this current situation

My dilemma is reinforced as my mind reminds me of my physical limitations and mental health disabilities

This damn anxiety and severe depression pulls me back every time I try to step forward

I never used to doubt myself until I was gaslighted by my last boss

Mind games can really do a lot of damage to a person

Someone Who has been fighting for decades just trying to survive

Provide for my children never getting a chance to close my eyes

To breathe deeply, relax, and put my mind at ease

No one ever said life would be a breeze

But they never told me either there would be days that would try to eat me alive

I sit with by back against the corner of the couch

Knowing it's going to be extremely hard for my life to get any better when I really can't do that much

I just sit and stare across the room in disbelief